Thursday, February 28, 2013
Spring Break 2000!
Did I mention that I'm going to Vienna in late March? You know, the place where they make the sausages? It should be pretty interesting, despite the fact that German-speaking peoples look at me like I'm stabbing their parents when I try to address them in their native tongue. I haven't spent much time planning the trip, as is my general practice due to laziness, but I guess there are a lot of palaces and museums and things there. I browsed through their website one day when I was bored. Turns out last year was the 100th anniversary of something or other there. It was kind of a big deal.
I'm going with the moot court team I help coach, just to make this trip as nerdy as humanly possible. But I should only have to spend a few hours a day watching people make obscure legal arguments about the Convention for the International Sale of Goods, so that should leave me some time for sightseeing. I'm going to find whatever Vienna's equivalent of Navy Pier is and buy a fake license plate with my name on it, that's for sure.
We're also thinking about doing a side trip to Salzburg, which is only a few hours away by train. No, it's not because I want to take the Sound of Music tour. It's mainly because I did a report on Salzburg in eighth grade German class, so I feel a certain amount of ownership of it. That's the same reason I feel excited about European soap operas and bland ginger cookies. Man, Frau Cole fucked me up but good, eh?
Did I mention that I'm going to Vienna in late March? You know, the place where they make the sausages? It should be pretty interesting, despite the fact that German-speaking peoples look at me like I'm stabbing their parents when I try to address them in their native tongue. I haven't spent much time planning the trip, as is my general practice due to laziness, but I guess there are a lot of palaces and museums and things there. I browsed through their website one day when I was bored. Turns out last year was the 100th anniversary of something or other there. It was kind of a big deal.
I'm going with the moot court team I help coach, just to make this trip as nerdy as humanly possible. But I should only have to spend a few hours a day watching people make obscure legal arguments about the Convention for the International Sale of Goods, so that should leave me some time for sightseeing. I'm going to find whatever Vienna's equivalent of Navy Pier is and buy a fake license plate with my name on it, that's for sure.
We're also thinking about doing a side trip to Salzburg, which is only a few hours away by train. No, it's not because I want to take the Sound of Music tour. It's mainly because I did a report on Salzburg in eighth grade German class, so I feel a certain amount of ownership of it. That's the same reason I feel excited about European soap operas and bland ginger cookies. Man, Frau Cole fucked me up but good, eh?
Monday, February 25, 2013
Oscars Postview 2013
Well, it was quite a night, wasn't it? Any year where it takes a full eighteen minutes before the first award is even handed out is bound to be a doozy. I don't want to pile on to Seth McFarland, so I'll just ask what the fuck William Shatner was thinking. The best hosts always realize that the less we see of them the more we'll enjoy them. The exception to this is of course Amy Poehler and Tina Fey; they could just move in with me and I'm pretty sure I'd be fine with it.
Anyway, I started to really lose hope right about the time they did the tribute to Dreamgirls, a movie that came out, what, five years ago? At this rate we'll have a tribute to Battleship hitting the Oscars stage in no time. The appearance of Catherine Zeta Jones would no doubt have been my low point (it usually is), but I had a brief glimmer of hope that they had invited her so they could take her Oscar back. Maybe they could give it to Annette Bening, since Hilary Swank stole hers.
I got no major beef with the winners, though. I could watch Jennifer Lawrence trip up the stairs all night and Daniel Day Lewis somehow managed to not bore me this time around. Ben Affleck did a nice job making oblique apologies for Jersey Girl and Gigli, although his producing partner needed to shut the fuck up already and let the movie stars talk. Oh, and Anne Hathaway is the worst. For a good actress she certainly is terrible at acting surprised and humbled. Although I'm sure her nipples were happy she brought them to the show.
Well, it was quite a night, wasn't it? Any year where it takes a full eighteen minutes before the first award is even handed out is bound to be a doozy. I don't want to pile on to Seth McFarland, so I'll just ask what the fuck William Shatner was thinking. The best hosts always realize that the less we see of them the more we'll enjoy them. The exception to this is of course Amy Poehler and Tina Fey; they could just move in with me and I'm pretty sure I'd be fine with it.
Anyway, I started to really lose hope right about the time they did the tribute to Dreamgirls, a movie that came out, what, five years ago? At this rate we'll have a tribute to Battleship hitting the Oscars stage in no time. The appearance of Catherine Zeta Jones would no doubt have been my low point (it usually is), but I had a brief glimmer of hope that they had invited her so they could take her Oscar back. Maybe they could give it to Annette Bening, since Hilary Swank stole hers.
I got no major beef with the winners, though. I could watch Jennifer Lawrence trip up the stairs all night and Daniel Day Lewis somehow managed to not bore me this time around. Ben Affleck did a nice job making oblique apologies for Jersey Girl and Gigli, although his producing partner needed to shut the fuck up already and let the movie stars talk. Oh, and Anne Hathaway is the worst. For a good actress she certainly is terrible at acting surprised and humbled. Although I'm sure her nipples were happy she brought them to the show.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Oscar Preview 2013!
Well, the Oscars are here. The best part of that is probably that we will finally be able to stop hearing about the Oscars in a few days. And seeing Anne Hathaway pretending to be surprised about winning things. Seriously, has it ever before taken so long for anyone's hair to grow out? Can't we get that girl a weave?
Anyway, I'm feeling pretty ready. I haven't seen about half of the nominated movies yet, but given that I don't know a single person who's seen Life of Pi, I don't really feel all that bad about it. I did see Beasts of the Southern Wild last night. I fell asleep for stretches of it, but my takeaway is that people who deliberately choose to live in floodplains despite the constant threat it presents to their well being are totally awesome. I hope the six year old wins tonight, but for Best Song. Who doesn't love a surprise?
I'll be spending the evening at a friend's Oscar party, so be on the lookout for mildly inebriated Facebook posts. Depending on how much I end up drinking before the pizza finally gets there and how often Jessica Chastain is on camera, there could be some real artistry.
Well, the Oscars are here. The best part of that is probably that we will finally be able to stop hearing about the Oscars in a few days. And seeing Anne Hathaway pretending to be surprised about winning things. Seriously, has it ever before taken so long for anyone's hair to grow out? Can't we get that girl a weave?
Anyway, I'm feeling pretty ready. I haven't seen about half of the nominated movies yet, but given that I don't know a single person who's seen Life of Pi, I don't really feel all that bad about it. I did see Beasts of the Southern Wild last night. I fell asleep for stretches of it, but my takeaway is that people who deliberately choose to live in floodplains despite the constant threat it presents to their well being are totally awesome. I hope the six year old wins tonight, but for Best Song. Who doesn't love a surprise?
I'll be spending the evening at a friend's Oscar party, so be on the lookout for mildly inebriated Facebook posts. Depending on how much I end up drinking before the pizza finally gets there and how often Jessica Chastain is on camera, there could be some real artistry.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Et tu?
I saw Julius Ceasar at the Shakespeare Theatre last night. It was all right. Of course, I'm quite biased because I appeared in what must be considered the definitive production of Caesar in my ninth grade English class. I played the all-important role of whoever's line it ended up being when the rotation around the whole classroom got to me. God, how I used to pray that none of the long monologues would end up landing on one of the dumb kids. Otherwise I might be late for homeroom and miss out on my Channel One. I wonder if they still have Channel One, mainly because I feel pretty sure that Kathy Kronenberger is otherwise unemployable.
Anyway, I felt like it wasn't quite up to their usual standard there. Some of the dialogue was a bit flat and they tacked a crowd scene/dance number onto the beginning that was quite frankly insane. Also they added lots of gunfire and explosions, which seemed kind of weird for a show that centers on a stabbing. Why resort to the ol' dagger when you've got an assault weapon at hand?
There were several hilarious moments involving the old people sitting all around us, however. We definitely got to experience ten minutes of rustling from someone opening her hard candy during Act IV, along with some trenchant commentary on the relative merits of the bathrooms at various performing arts venues in the city. My favorite, though, was when an older gent on my left complained about the dance number at the beginning "not seeming necessary" and his wife told him that they had to include it "for the young people." Yeah, I'm pretty sure Caesarian line dancing is going to be the next Harlem Shake.
I saw Julius Ceasar at the Shakespeare Theatre last night. It was all right. Of course, I'm quite biased because I appeared in what must be considered the definitive production of Caesar in my ninth grade English class. I played the all-important role of whoever's line it ended up being when the rotation around the whole classroom got to me. God, how I used to pray that none of the long monologues would end up landing on one of the dumb kids. Otherwise I might be late for homeroom and miss out on my Channel One. I wonder if they still have Channel One, mainly because I feel pretty sure that Kathy Kronenberger is otherwise unemployable.
Anyway, I felt like it wasn't quite up to their usual standard there. Some of the dialogue was a bit flat and they tacked a crowd scene/dance number onto the beginning that was quite frankly insane. Also they added lots of gunfire and explosions, which seemed kind of weird for a show that centers on a stabbing. Why resort to the ol' dagger when you've got an assault weapon at hand?
There were several hilarious moments involving the old people sitting all around us, however. We definitely got to experience ten minutes of rustling from someone opening her hard candy during Act IV, along with some trenchant commentary on the relative merits of the bathrooms at various performing arts venues in the city. My favorite, though, was when an older gent on my left complained about the dance number at the beginning "not seeming necessary" and his wife told him that they had to include it "for the young people." Yeah, I'm pretty sure Caesarian line dancing is going to be the next Harlem Shake.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Odds & Ends
Since I have the day off today, I decided to take care of a few miscellaneous errands around the city. This never goes well. I spent an hour and a half and more than $100 getting my oil changed, and the only magazines they had in the waiting area were like two-month-old Us Weeklies. I mean, that's like a full three Taylor Swift boyfriends ago. Thank God I had my phone so I could pretend to be very absorbed in it while my fellow patrons made small talk with one another about Jiffy Lubes they have known and how to use the single-cup coffee maker. I won't even trouble you with the creepiness that ensued with the massage chair that Jiffy insists on including in its waiting area. There are some things you just can't unread.
I also went to the pool at my gym, thinking today would be a nice, non-crowded time to get some laps in. Yet another miscalculation. There were senior citizens all over that pool, even though the water aerobics class had been over for more than half an hour. And they were not even swimming, but walking the length of the pool back and forth over and over again. And glaring at people who had the temerity to suggest they might consider sharing a lane. So I sat in the whirlpool and watched for a good twenty minutes until a lane opened up, which I promptly had to share with Lady Splashy McSplasherton. Do you ever have moments where drowning seems like the lesser of two evils?
Anyway, I'm home now, and staying put for at least a little while. More proof of my developing theory that leaving the house never, ever pays.
Since I have the day off today, I decided to take care of a few miscellaneous errands around the city. This never goes well. I spent an hour and a half and more than $100 getting my oil changed, and the only magazines they had in the waiting area were like two-month-old Us Weeklies. I mean, that's like a full three Taylor Swift boyfriends ago. Thank God I had my phone so I could pretend to be very absorbed in it while my fellow patrons made small talk with one another about Jiffy Lubes they have known and how to use the single-cup coffee maker. I won't even trouble you with the creepiness that ensued with the massage chair that Jiffy insists on including in its waiting area. There are some things you just can't unread.
I also went to the pool at my gym, thinking today would be a nice, non-crowded time to get some laps in. Yet another miscalculation. There were senior citizens all over that pool, even though the water aerobics class had been over for more than half an hour. And they were not even swimming, but walking the length of the pool back and forth over and over again. And glaring at people who had the temerity to suggest they might consider sharing a lane. So I sat in the whirlpool and watched for a good twenty minutes until a lane opened up, which I promptly had to share with Lady Splashy McSplasherton. Do you ever have moments where drowning seems like the lesser of two evils?
Anyway, I'm home now, and staying put for at least a little while. More proof of my developing theory that leaving the house never, ever pays.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Pope on the Ropes
I don't want to make everyone jealous, but this morning at my church I received a full page color photo of our retiring pope in my weekly bulletin, suitable for framing or installation in a special shrine. There was also a message from His Holiness, which I did not read for fear that it contained Revenge spoilers, but can only assume made the usual case against the moral horrors of using condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS in Africa. I don't think he made any shocking revelations about the reasons for his departure, but I'm guessing he'll be headlining in Vegas just like Britney post The X Factor. If Sister Act taught us anything (and in fact it taught us everything), it's that religious figures and lounge acts are a winning combination.
Anyway, who's excited to get a new pope? I've got a few suggestions as to who it should be, but they may be a little bit "outside the box" for the Vatican's tastes. (Suffice it to say that the participant overlap between RuPaul's Drag Race and the Papal Conclave is less extensive than one might think.) The Internet is telling me that it's pretty much the usual bunch of old white guys in the running at this point. Not to overgeneralize, but they look like they should be struggling with their cable remotes or sending back pie at Perkin's right now. The prospect of a black pope is also being floated, but I somehow don't see all of the older Catholics accepting this, unless Bill Cosby is somehow available.
Hopefully the campaigning doesn't get too ugly. I'd hate to see attack ads accusing Marc Oullet of getting into the communion wine after mass or Angelo Scola of going too easy on the Hail Mary's during confession. Or Peter Turkson going around to all the homerooms with fresh-baked cupcakes. Actually, I take it back -- I'd love to see all of these things.
I don't want to make everyone jealous, but this morning at my church I received a full page color photo of our retiring pope in my weekly bulletin, suitable for framing or installation in a special shrine. There was also a message from His Holiness, which I did not read for fear that it contained Revenge spoilers, but can only assume made the usual case against the moral horrors of using condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS in Africa. I don't think he made any shocking revelations about the reasons for his departure, but I'm guessing he'll be headlining in Vegas just like Britney post The X Factor. If Sister Act taught us anything (and in fact it taught us everything), it's that religious figures and lounge acts are a winning combination.
Anyway, who's excited to get a new pope? I've got a few suggestions as to who it should be, but they may be a little bit "outside the box" for the Vatican's tastes. (Suffice it to say that the participant overlap between RuPaul's Drag Race and the Papal Conclave is less extensive than one might think.) The Internet is telling me that it's pretty much the usual bunch of old white guys in the running at this point. Not to overgeneralize, but they look like they should be struggling with their cable remotes or sending back pie at Perkin's right now. The prospect of a black pope is also being floated, but I somehow don't see all of the older Catholics accepting this, unless Bill Cosby is somehow available.
Hopefully the campaigning doesn't get too ugly. I'd hate to see attack ads accusing Marc Oullet of getting into the communion wine after mass or Angelo Scola of going too easy on the Hail Mary's during confession. Or Peter Turkson going around to all the homerooms with fresh-baked cupcakes. Actually, I take it back -- I'd love to see all of these things.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
How Are We Observing Valentine's Day?
-- Resenting the existence of Valentine's Day.
-- Becoming convinced that the pink and white M&M's actually taste slightly different from the normal ones.
-- Wishing ill upon Nicholas Sparks.
-- Desperately hoping that Walgreen's has something halfway decent left that can serve as a present.
-- Ferociously demonstrating how OKAY we are with being single.
-- Developing diabetes.
-- Reading the wikipedia entry for St. Valentine and getting kind of creeped out.
-- Awkwardly discussing our personal lives with coworkers.
-- Wondering why Denise Richards never made a sequel to her 2001 classic Valentine.
-- Ordering delivery just so we have someone to talk to.
-- Asking ourselves why we didn't just marry Ben Affleck when we had the chance.
-- Experiencing delightful romantic-comedy-type complications.
-- Hating Anne Hathaway.
-- Vowing that next year will be different.
-- Resenting the existence of Valentine's Day.
-- Becoming convinced that the pink and white M&M's actually taste slightly different from the normal ones.
-- Wishing ill upon Nicholas Sparks.
-- Desperately hoping that Walgreen's has something halfway decent left that can serve as a present.
-- Ferociously demonstrating how OKAY we are with being single.
-- Developing diabetes.
-- Reading the wikipedia entry for St. Valentine and getting kind of creeped out.
-- Awkwardly discussing our personal lives with coworkers.
-- Wondering why Denise Richards never made a sequel to her 2001 classic Valentine.
-- Ordering delivery just so we have someone to talk to.
-- Asking ourselves why we didn't just marry Ben Affleck when we had the chance.
-- Experiencing delightful romantic-comedy-type complications.
-- Hating Anne Hathaway.
-- Vowing that next year will be different.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Land of Lincoln
Man, Lincoln is really having a moment right now, what with the movie and me getting a day off for his birthday and all. I feel like if there were one thing Lincoln wanted for his birthday, it would be me sleeping until nine on a weekday. And the best news of all is that I will get to honor him all over again next Monday, when I get the day off for Presidents' Day as well. So much honor, so little time.
Why don't we all share our favorite Lincoln moments in honor of the occasion? Or rather, since blogging is pretty much a one-way medium around here, why don't I just ramble on about Lincoln for a while? If I had to pick just one favorite Lincoln moment, it would be the time he freed the slaves, but the time he judged that wet t-shirt contest at Senor Frog's would be a close second. Oh, and the time he made all those hilarious fart jokes on the floor of the Illinois House of Representatives. God, Lincoln was such a cutup! In addition to being a totally awesome president, of course.
I'm glad that everything in Central Illinois is named after Lincoln; he would have been proud to know that he's helping to sell tainted diner food and hotel rooms where people get murdered. Also, if you've ever been to Lincoln's Tomb, you know it's probably the greatest tomb this side of Lenin's. And sometimes your teachers let you stop at Hardee's for burgers and awkward pubescent flirting on your way back. Lincoln has thusly played a formative role in the life of many a young Illinoisan.
So if you've never read a book about Lincoln, get on down to your local library and "check it out."
Man, Lincoln is really having a moment right now, what with the movie and me getting a day off for his birthday and all. I feel like if there were one thing Lincoln wanted for his birthday, it would be me sleeping until nine on a weekday. And the best news of all is that I will get to honor him all over again next Monday, when I get the day off for Presidents' Day as well. So much honor, so little time.
Why don't we all share our favorite Lincoln moments in honor of the occasion? Or rather, since blogging is pretty much a one-way medium around here, why don't I just ramble on about Lincoln for a while? If I had to pick just one favorite Lincoln moment, it would be the time he freed the slaves, but the time he judged that wet t-shirt contest at Senor Frog's would be a close second. Oh, and the time he made all those hilarious fart jokes on the floor of the Illinois House of Representatives. God, Lincoln was such a cutup! In addition to being a totally awesome president, of course.
I'm glad that everything in Central Illinois is named after Lincoln; he would have been proud to know that he's helping to sell tainted diner food and hotel rooms where people get murdered. Also, if you've ever been to Lincoln's Tomb, you know it's probably the greatest tomb this side of Lenin's. And sometimes your teachers let you stop at Hardee's for burgers and awkward pubescent flirting on your way back. Lincoln has thusly played a formative role in the life of many a young Illinoisan.
So if you've never read a book about Lincoln, get on down to your local library and "check it out."
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Brave New World
So I'm going to try to blog from my phone, since my computer is still out of commission. I'm not a huge fan of typing on the tiny keyboard, but maybe I'll get used to it. Ah, I just turned the phone sideways and now the keyboard is bigger. I have freakishly large fingers, you see.
Anyway, there's not a ton going on for me right now. I'm coaching a moot court team for a local law school, but there's not a ton that's funny about that because the students involved are all pretty much more competent and knowledgable than me. Also the subject matter is the Convention for the International sale of goods, which doesn't bear that much comic potential. Unless the goods were like rubber chickens or fake vomit or something. Nah, still not funny.
I'm also working on a new show right now, but that's pretty much been limited to me avoiding doing any actual writing as much as possible. I'm actually doing that right now. And I am damn good at it.
Anyway, I'm hoping to be back in the computer-having business in the next few days, but we'll see. Suffice it to say that HP and I are not the best of friends at present.
So I'm going to try to blog from my phone, since my computer is still out of commission. I'm not a huge fan of typing on the tiny keyboard, but maybe I'll get used to it. Ah, I just turned the phone sideways and now the keyboard is bigger. I have freakishly large fingers, you see.
Anyway, there's not a ton going on for me right now. I'm coaching a moot court team for a local law school, but there's not a ton that's funny about that because the students involved are all pretty much more competent and knowledgable than me. Also the subject matter is the Convention for the International sale of goods, which doesn't bear that much comic potential. Unless the goods were like rubber chickens or fake vomit or something. Nah, still not funny.
I'm also working on a new show right now, but that's pretty much been limited to me avoiding doing any actual writing as much as possible. I'm actually doing that right now. And I am damn good at it.
Anyway, I'm hoping to be back in the computer-having business in the next few days, but we'll see. Suffice it to say that HP and I are not the best of friends at present.
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Byte Me
Well, it looks like my horrible HP has finally died. Well, died again. I already had to completely reset it once a few years ago because it wouldn't start up, but only display a nice little blinking cursor. I lost all of my files in the process, although I can't pretend there were any state secrets involved. Mainly funny pictures I had gotten off the internet. Then for the past few months it had gotten progressively slower, to the point where it would take about five minutes of the little whirling explorer logo for it to even open my gmail. And yesterday when I turned it on I got the dreaded black screen. Keyboard still all lit up, processor still making little clicking and buzzing noises, but no action on the screen whatsoever. Not the most promising sign.
I tried a bunch of fixes I found online, but in a completely surprising event, done of them helped. It turns out that the internet is better for finding out about Rhianna's latest fashion missteps and fun recipes for low fat chili than for getting actual useful information. I probably should have guessed that when all of my tips were coming from people with names like "sexymommy53." So it seems I'll have to make a visit to the Geeksquad, which is great, since I enjoy being condescended to by people with bad hair. Yay, hot weekend!
Well, it looks like my horrible HP has finally died. Well, died again. I already had to completely reset it once a few years ago because it wouldn't start up, but only display a nice little blinking cursor. I lost all of my files in the process, although I can't pretend there were any state secrets involved. Mainly funny pictures I had gotten off the internet. Then for the past few months it had gotten progressively slower, to the point where it would take about five minutes of the little whirling explorer logo for it to even open my gmail. And yesterday when I turned it on I got the dreaded black screen. Keyboard still all lit up, processor still making little clicking and buzzing noises, but no action on the screen whatsoever. Not the most promising sign.
I tried a bunch of fixes I found online, but in a completely surprising event, done of them helped. It turns out that the internet is better for finding out about Rhianna's latest fashion missteps and fun recipes for low fat chili than for getting actual useful information. I probably should have guessed that when all of my tips were coming from people with names like "sexymommy53." So it seems I'll have to make a visit to the Geeksquad, which is great, since I enjoy being condescended to by people with bad hair. Yay, hot weekend!
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
The Birthday Party
As the immutable laws of time would seem to dictate, I did indeed turn 35 yesterday. It was quite the affair. I began the day by watching three completely full red line trains pass me by at the Addison stop before cramming my way into the fourth (only 95% full) train and experiencing the joy of someone's armpit all the way down to work. I then had an office birthday party at 10 AM, which involved sitting around the conference room table and making exactly an hour's worth of small talk while eating the chocolate cake someone's wife had baked for the occasion. (I was presented with a choice between chocolate and white beforehand; I'm actually not sure that anyone has ever chosen the white.) I had to help clean up from my own office birthday party, as you really need to get those cake crumbs up off the carpet before they end up getting ground down in there. And then I spent the rest of the day with my murderers, whose delightful antics can really brighten up any special day. One of them has gone on a hunger strike, with hilarious consequences.
I did have a nice dinner and some drinks last night, lest you think I'm some sad little Melanie Griffith utterly forgotten by the world. But the bottom line is that I don't really recommend having a birthday on a Monday, unless it's like Labor Day or Memorial Day and you can stay home from work. Or Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Man, that guy really had it all.
As the immutable laws of time would seem to dictate, I did indeed turn 35 yesterday. It was quite the affair. I began the day by watching three completely full red line trains pass me by at the Addison stop before cramming my way into the fourth (only 95% full) train and experiencing the joy of someone's armpit all the way down to work. I then had an office birthday party at 10 AM, which involved sitting around the conference room table and making exactly an hour's worth of small talk while eating the chocolate cake someone's wife had baked for the occasion. (I was presented with a choice between chocolate and white beforehand; I'm actually not sure that anyone has ever chosen the white.) I had to help clean up from my own office birthday party, as you really need to get those cake crumbs up off the carpet before they end up getting ground down in there. And then I spent the rest of the day with my murderers, whose delightful antics can really brighten up any special day. One of them has gone on a hunger strike, with hilarious consequences.
I did have a nice dinner and some drinks last night, lest you think I'm some sad little Melanie Griffith utterly forgotten by the world. But the bottom line is that I don't really recommend having a birthday on a Monday, unless it's like Labor Day or Memorial Day and you can stay home from work. Or Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Man, that guy really had it all.
Saturday, February 02, 2013
Another Thrilling Afternoon
Can someone tell me why my web browser is continually trying to send me to the Domino's Pizza website? I can literally think of no circumstances under which I would want to go there. It also keeps offering me the Social Security Administration website. Has some elderly person with terrible taste in pizza been using my computer without permission? Come to think of it, I did leave it out at my parents' house...
Anyway, it's a freezing, snowy day that is fit for little besides musing on the contents of my web browser. Also cleaning out my DVRs. I finally deleted the copy of Lifetime's Obsessed starring Jenna Elfman that I've been saving for a special occasion, but I still couldn't bear to part with Tina Fey's Mark Twain Prize ceremony, which I believe has been on there since 2010. I just love to watch that Mom Jeans commercial parody over and over again, and of course it couldn't possibly be available on the internet. Also, did you know The Office is still on the air? Caught up on my back episodes today. Two words: kill it.
Also, I am turning 35 in two days. Chew on that for a minute. I feel like so many of my actions are about to become dramatically age inappropriate. I mean, they're already age inappropriate; I just don't like the idea of it being so obvious. I'm turning into that guy next door who's 45 and still frosts his tips. Although, to be fair, that's something that no one should really be doing.
Fuck it. I'm going to go eat an entire cookie cake.
Can someone tell me why my web browser is continually trying to send me to the Domino's Pizza website? I can literally think of no circumstances under which I would want to go there. It also keeps offering me the Social Security Administration website. Has some elderly person with terrible taste in pizza been using my computer without permission? Come to think of it, I did leave it out at my parents' house...
Anyway, it's a freezing, snowy day that is fit for little besides musing on the contents of my web browser. Also cleaning out my DVRs. I finally deleted the copy of Lifetime's Obsessed starring Jenna Elfman that I've been saving for a special occasion, but I still couldn't bear to part with Tina Fey's Mark Twain Prize ceremony, which I believe has been on there since 2010. I just love to watch that Mom Jeans commercial parody over and over again, and of course it couldn't possibly be available on the internet. Also, did you know The Office is still on the air? Caught up on my back episodes today. Two words: kill it.
Also, I am turning 35 in two days. Chew on that for a minute. I feel like so many of my actions are about to become dramatically age inappropriate. I mean, they're already age inappropriate; I just don't like the idea of it being so obvious. I'm turning into that guy next door who's 45 and still frosts his tips. Although, to be fair, that's something that no one should really be doing.
Fuck it. I'm going to go eat an entire cookie cake.
