Monday, March 15, 2004
Road Trip 2000!
So the New York trip was awesome. First of all, I love airport security. My friend got sexually molested by a portly mustachioed guard because her shoe beeped during a rigorous metal-detecting-wand inspection, and I got busted on a “having scissors in your bag” rap. The guard was putting on a plastic glove as I approached, which caused me to fear the worst and involuntarily clench several key orifices, but it turned out that sarcasm was to be my only punishment. Oh, and being asked if I so prized the green Crayola scissors I can only assume I left in this bookbag in third grade that I wished to mail them to myself rather than allow them to be confiscated. I did not.
Secondly, I must give a “shout out” to our magnificent specimen of a flight attendant, Amy, who transcended her many troll-like qualities (or it may have been ogre-like; I’m not as up on cave-dwelling mythological creatures as I’d like to be) to bring a vigor and enthusiasm to the safety instructions unparalleled in her field. She was gesticulating so fiercely I really thought she might strangle herself with the tiny demonstration seat belt. And did you ever notice the safety cards contain illustrations that make it look like they recommend that, in the event of a water landing, you 1) breast feed your baby one more time for the road, and 2) find true love with your flotation device? Maybe it’s just me. But regardless, every other flight attendant in the world is just a pale imitation of the One True Flight Attendant, Amy.
As for the actual content of the trip, I spent most of my time just hanging out with friends from undergrad and high school, eating, drinking, and making fun of people and/or things. I mean, I’ve been to New York enough times now that I didn’t really feel any strong need to visit the two-story Olive Garden in Times Square or stand outside the Today Show hoping for a furtive glimpse of Matt Lauer. My buddy did take me to a show that he worked on the set for, which was okay but featured somewhat more shouting than I care for, and we also saw Avenue Q, which was the single funniest thing I have ever seen, besides any given episode of Becker. We also had a celebrity sighting – Carol Burnett – which was somewhat disappointing because she was neither pulling her ears nor giving a Tarzan yell, even after I told her I was a child dying of Malaria and it was my last wish. The famous can be so selfish.
Anyway, there’s a lot more I could say, but I prefer just to be a tease at present. The Internet offers ample opportunities for instant gratification elsewhere.
So the New York trip was awesome. First of all, I love airport security. My friend got sexually molested by a portly mustachioed guard because her shoe beeped during a rigorous metal-detecting-wand inspection, and I got busted on a “having scissors in your bag” rap. The guard was putting on a plastic glove as I approached, which caused me to fear the worst and involuntarily clench several key orifices, but it turned out that sarcasm was to be my only punishment. Oh, and being asked if I so prized the green Crayola scissors I can only assume I left in this bookbag in third grade that I wished to mail them to myself rather than allow them to be confiscated. I did not.
Secondly, I must give a “shout out” to our magnificent specimen of a flight attendant, Amy, who transcended her many troll-like qualities (or it may have been ogre-like; I’m not as up on cave-dwelling mythological creatures as I’d like to be) to bring a vigor and enthusiasm to the safety instructions unparalleled in her field. She was gesticulating so fiercely I really thought she might strangle herself with the tiny demonstration seat belt. And did you ever notice the safety cards contain illustrations that make it look like they recommend that, in the event of a water landing, you 1) breast feed your baby one more time for the road, and 2) find true love with your flotation device? Maybe it’s just me. But regardless, every other flight attendant in the world is just a pale imitation of the One True Flight Attendant, Amy.
As for the actual content of the trip, I spent most of my time just hanging out with friends from undergrad and high school, eating, drinking, and making fun of people and/or things. I mean, I’ve been to New York enough times now that I didn’t really feel any strong need to visit the two-story Olive Garden in Times Square or stand outside the Today Show hoping for a furtive glimpse of Matt Lauer. My buddy did take me to a show that he worked on the set for, which was okay but featured somewhat more shouting than I care for, and we also saw Avenue Q, which was the single funniest thing I have ever seen, besides any given episode of Becker. We also had a celebrity sighting – Carol Burnett – which was somewhat disappointing because she was neither pulling her ears nor giving a Tarzan yell, even after I told her I was a child dying of Malaria and it was my last wish. The famous can be so selfish.
Anyway, there’s a lot more I could say, but I prefer just to be a tease at present. The Internet offers ample opportunities for instant gratification elsewhere.
