the ocean

So my amateur theatrical for lawyers, like everything else this year, is cancelled. But we've decided instead to film a range of free parody videos for our massive public. I'm not actually in any of them yet, but I did do some voice work for this one!

Did you hear my, like, ten words at the beginning? Truly I am a star. I also wrote it, but everyone knows that counts for nothing. 

I have an unfortunate tendency to experiment on myself with over the counter products from Walgreen's. Faithful readers will no doubt recall the Nair Incident of 2007 or so, where I created an interesting pattern of chemical burns on my chest that, if you squinted, somewhat resembled the Virgin Mary. I have also accidentally dyed a pillow an interesting shade of green by using a questionable in retrospect mud mask, and left myself temporarily unable to walk after a battle with some rather potent foot cream. Generally, I have no excuse except vanity for undertaking these efforts at home instead of seeing a trained physician, but this time around I at least have the pandemic as a somewhat solid reason for not scheduling an actual dermatologist appointment to deal with the wart near my armpit.

I went to a socially distanced baby shower this morning. It was outside and we all wore masks and stood six feet apart. There was no communal food or drink. And there were little personalized bottles of hand sanitizer for everyone. It was of course a bit uncanny, but I had a nice time. I got to chat with some people I haven't seen in ages without feeling like I was risking life and limb to do so. And I had coordinated my mask with my outfit, so that's nice. Plus, I'm supporting the propagation of the human species, which is likely necessary, even if at times poorly executed.

I would say that perhaps this is a glimpse of things to come, but with the bad weather coming in Chicago, I'm afraid the glimpse I'm currently getting of my living room is a more likely prophecy. I don't see gathering in a park to fete the unborn when its twenty below. And no matter what that church in Texas tells you about their miracle air cleaning system, Dr. Fauci is unlikely to sign off on mass indoor gatherings any time soon.

So my hope returns to the pharmaceutical companies, who have time and again shown themselves to be great innovators when there's a potential profit in it. If they could take on the successfully take on the scourge of reluctant boners at $15 a pill, I'm betting they can come up with a shot that prevents this virus without making your teeth fall out or anything. I mean, capitalism has never failed us before, right?