Saturday, July 31, 2021
Celebrity Dirt Bag
I don't know about you, but I was rocked to my very core by Scarlett Johansson's lawsuit against Disney this week. I mean, if the internationally-tolerated, sometimes-blonde star of The Other Boleyn Girl and a billion-dollar corporation propagating lies about social politeness to children can't get along, what hope is there for the rest of us? I always liked to imagine that Scarlett and Bob Chapek, the CEO of Disney who I doubt anyone could pick out of a lineup, would get together on the weekends to grill tofu burgers and laugh about how they had managed to convince people that Jeremy Renner was a real person. But alas, there is discord in the House of Mouse, and on the sordid topic of coin, no less.
Unlike everyone on the internet, I can't develop an instant opinion about the merits of the case because I haven't seen the actual contract, which is after all what the lawsuit is based on, as opposed to which party can pull of hats better or our lingering bad feelings about The Mandalorian. I do think it was a pretty impressive move on Disney's part to respond by basically accusing ScarJo of being a greedy ho who just doesn't understand how hard COVID has been on the little people, specifically giant companies with a bunch of empty cruise ships to support. I would have taken it a step farther by claiming that she personally developed the virus with Huma Abedin in a Wuhan lab, but I was not specifically retained for this case, so what can you do?
I do think everyone kind of needs to take it all down a notch in this unprecedented era. (For truly, are not all eras at least a tad bit unprecedented?) Nobody needs to lose sleep over either ScarJo's inability to purchase a second private island or Disney's fading chance to own the hopes and dreams of literally everyone, everywhere. COVID is real and probably worth at least minimal efforts to try to not get and die from, but also maybe we're not all going to die from it tomorrow because someone's Aunt Trudy in Tulsa forgot her mask for her weekly trip to the Piggly Wiggly. I guess I'm just for less shouting at each other in general. Except for the Real Housewives; they depend on shouting for their incomes.
Sunday, July 25, 2021
Olympia
The Olympics are back, and while I must acknowledge that their wisdom from a public health perspective is questionable at best, I also can't deny that I fucking love them. I love the weird sports that we never hear about at any other time, like handball and kayaking. I love all the human interest stories about how the athletes struggle with dyslexia or fibromyalgia or chocoholism. I love how NBC thinks so little of its audience that it is always either showing Americans competing or letting us know that Americans will be competing soon. So yes, maybe holding the Olympics is irresponsible, but they've certainly got a lot more social value than a lot of motorcycle rallies and chili cookoffs and conservative political action committee meetings that have been held despite COVID over the last year.
It's definitely weird not having crowds at any of the events, perhaps nowhere more so than for the opening ceremony, which came across as kind of random and sad. I mean, I'm sure the fans would have been going wild for the tribute to Japanese carpentry had they but been allowed in the stadium. I greatly enjoyed the people in yellow and blue robes who had to clap and wave their hands and otherwise generally be excited for the entirety of the parade of nations; if only they were available for private parties or just, you know, to hype people up in the workplace. Also it was fun to judge the different outfits that countries chose to represent their nation, noting that apparently being boring and basic is a key characteristic of many lands.
The events so far I have not seen nearly enough of. I took in some early skateboarding rounds earlier today, which were weirdly inert without anyone to react to them, as well as the women's road race, where I was literally afraid the gold medalist was dying when they showed her panting and heaving on the ground immediately afterwards. I've also taken in some swimming and water polo, as well as the gold medal match in fencing, which was surprisingly restful. Not as much so as the equestrian dressage event, which provided a nice backdrop for a nap yesterday, but still. We are off to a good start.
Monday, July 19, 2021
News & Notes
So what can I tell you? Things have been busy, if unlikely to make it into a Tom Clancy thriller any time soon. My mom has been in town, so there have been many wholesome family activities. We went down to the Japanese Garden in Hyde Park, which has apparently been around in some form since the 1893 World's Fair, despite my having no idea it existed. It's really cute and serene, which is good, since driving my mother anywhere in traffic is decidedly neither cute nor serene. We also saw the Obama portraits at the Art Institute in an exhibition that was 100% truth in advertising, given that the portraits were literally the only paintings in the show. I don't know if I was expecting a series of watercolors of the chiefs of staff or a full size replica of the Oval Office or what, but something. Anyway, they were nice. There was also a family viewing of
In The Heights (enjoyed, but with serious concerns about Jimmy Smits' health and general well being), a triumphant return to in-person church (enjoyment minimal, but no real suspense about how it all turns out for Christ), and a lot of babysitting (general jealousy about the rude but accurate things children have leave to say). So that was a whirlwind.
Ian and also made an entry into the world of bike sharing, so far without contracting any communicable diseases. Since it was us, there were several months' ramp up to this activity, as we discussed protocols and routes, shopped for helmets, and waited for ideal weather. But it was fun, if somewhat terrifying. I forgot how many people throng the lakefront path each weekend and how many of them are paying absolutely no attention to what they are doing. I 100% had numerous visions of knocking my teeth out or scraping the hell out of my arms in a crash, but none of this came to pass. I did get some serious saddle sore, though.
Of course, we've also been out seeing friends and going to dinners and such. It's still a little weird COVID wise (and maybe getting weirder with Delta variant, which legitimately always makes me think of Delta Burke?), but I've gotten very quick at masking and unmasking. These are skills that will come in handy should I ever need to rob a bank or dole out vigilante justice.
Sunday, July 04, 2021
Happy Birthday, America!
I thought we could celebrate with some fun facts about American history:
-- George Washington did not actually have wooden teeth; that was just a rumor he started to attract the ladies.
-- No one actually knew about the Civil War until Ken Burns just wouldn't shut up about it.
-- In addition to his wheelchair, FDR also had a Tommie Copper compression sleeve and a makeshift pair of wings.
-- The Lost Colony of Roanoke was the inspiration for the television series LOST, in that it was also a big budget affair that was ultimately pretty disappointing.
-- Weirdly, the Missouri Compromise had nothing to do with meth.
-- The Louisiana Purchase was 100% nonrefundable, if you read the fine print.
-- Betsy Ross had it going on.
-- Nixon create the Watergate scandal on purpose out of a deep love of national soul searching.
-- The Declaration of Independence actually started out as Twilight fan fiction.
-- Joseph McCarthy privately admitted that he was just in it for the shouting.
-- People really didn't like the Dust Bowl, but it was still more popular than Katherine Heigl.
-- The sinking of the Lusitania spurred American support for entering WWI against the Germans, as though the existence of sauerkraut weren't enough.
-- Plessy v. Ferguson was not only a terrible Supreme Court decision, but also a terrible name for a '90s all-girl singing group.
-- The Monroe Doctrine started out as a joke, but then people got really into it, so Monroe didn't want to say anything.
-- The Battle of the Little Bighorn was sponsored by Wendy's.
-- The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo was, like, a big deal.
