Sunday, July 04, 2021
Happy Birthday, America!
I thought we could celebrate with some fun facts about American history:
-- George Washington did not actually have wooden teeth; that was just a rumor he started to attract the ladies.
-- No one actually knew about the Civil War until Ken Burns just wouldn't shut up about it.
-- In addition to his wheelchair, FDR also had a Tommie Copper compression sleeve and a makeshift pair of wings.
-- The Lost Colony of Roanoke was the inspiration for the television series LOST, in that it was also a big budget affair that was ultimately pretty disappointing.
-- Weirdly, the Missouri Compromise had nothing to do with meth.
-- The Louisiana Purchase was 100% nonrefundable, if you read the fine print.
-- Betsy Ross had it going on.
-- Nixon create the Watergate scandal on purpose out of a deep love of national soul searching.
-- The Declaration of Independence actually started out as Twilight fan fiction.
-- Joseph McCarthy privately admitted that he was just in it for the shouting.
-- People really didn't like the Dust Bowl, but it was still more popular than Katherine Heigl.
-- The sinking of the Lusitania spurred American support for entering WWI against the Germans, as though the existence of sauerkraut weren't enough.
-- Plessy v. Ferguson was not only a terrible Supreme Court decision, but also a terrible name for a '90s all-girl singing group.
-- The Monroe Doctrine started out as a joke, but then people got really into it, so Monroe didn't want to say anything.
-- The Battle of the Little Bighorn was sponsored by Wendy's.
-- The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo was, like, a big deal.
