Thursday, March 31, 2011
Swiss Miss
So what did I learn in Geneva? Well, French keyboards are seriously weird, for one thing. They have a "q" where the "a" should be, the "m" in the wrong row entirely, and a whole row of additional vowel sounds where the numbers usually are. Try typing in your passwords with that business. I got locked out of Facebook about six times.
It was also quite weird for me to be without US pop culture for a week. I mean, I missed out on Rebecca Black's big debut, for heaven's sake! I only had like two English language channels at the hotel and one of them was CNN, which doesn't really count. I actually sat down and tried to watch the BBC my last night, which was fantastic so long as you like people with cockney accents shouting jokes about sperm count at each other. They do still show videos on MTV in Europe, though, so I got my fill of Ke$ha. Who knew white trash would translate?
All the Swiss people I met were super nice, too. They all spoke English pretty much flawlessly, which made it all the more embarrassing that my French was limited to "bonjour" and "merci." They actually looked pained to hear me talk. Although I think sometimes they were just pretending not to understand me, like when I asked where I could find the nearest McDonald's. Sorry, I can only eat so much fondue.
So what did I learn in Geneva? Well, French keyboards are seriously weird, for one thing. They have a "q" where the "a" should be, the "m" in the wrong row entirely, and a whole row of additional vowel sounds where the numbers usually are. Try typing in your passwords with that business. I got locked out of Facebook about six times.
It was also quite weird for me to be without US pop culture for a week. I mean, I missed out on Rebecca Black's big debut, for heaven's sake! I only had like two English language channels at the hotel and one of them was CNN, which doesn't really count. I actually sat down and tried to watch the BBC my last night, which was fantastic so long as you like people with cockney accents shouting jokes about sperm count at each other. They do still show videos on MTV in Europe, though, so I got my fill of Ke$ha. Who knew white trash would translate?
All the Swiss people I met were super nice, too. They all spoke English pretty much flawlessly, which made it all the more embarrassing that my French was limited to "bonjour" and "merci." They actually looked pained to hear me talk. Although I think sometimes they were just pretending not to understand me, like when I asked where I could find the nearest McDonald's. Sorry, I can only eat so much fondue.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tripping
I'm back in the US! Well, I have been for a few days. But they've been busy, so I haven't been blogging. Also I've been jet lagged, leading to an odd habit of falling asleep in the middle of sentences. It's all very charming, I assure you.
Anyway, it was a good trip. The vast majority of it was work, but at least the work was in a conference room that looked directly out on the lake. That makes three hole punching so much more enjoyable. And they brought tiny sandwiches for lunch every day at 12:30. The sandwiches here are just so, I don't know, regular sized.
I also got to fly business class, which was nice, aside from not really ever knowing what the hell to do with the hot towel. Since the seat reclined all the way, I was able to get some sleep on the way out there, at least when the flight attendants weren't clanging plates and silverware together in the galley. And on the way back I watched The King's Speech on my little entertainment center while doing some work. It had to be the most okay movie I've seen all year.
The only really tragic part was the layover at Dulles on the way back. In addition to going through customs, you have to for some reason uncheck your luggage and recheck it not thirty yards away. And then you have to go through security again. And it's like 90 degrees in that room. I think I lost ten pounds. Okay, I need to sleep again. More details to come.
I'm back in the US! Well, I have been for a few days. But they've been busy, so I haven't been blogging. Also I've been jet lagged, leading to an odd habit of falling asleep in the middle of sentences. It's all very charming, I assure you.
Anyway, it was a good trip. The vast majority of it was work, but at least the work was in a conference room that looked directly out on the lake. That makes three hole punching so much more enjoyable. And they brought tiny sandwiches for lunch every day at 12:30. The sandwiches here are just so, I don't know, regular sized.
I also got to fly business class, which was nice, aside from not really ever knowing what the hell to do with the hot towel. Since the seat reclined all the way, I was able to get some sleep on the way out there, at least when the flight attendants weren't clanging plates and silverware together in the galley. And on the way back I watched The King's Speech on my little entertainment center while doing some work. It had to be the most okay movie I've seen all year.
The only really tragic part was the layover at Dulles on the way back. In addition to going through customs, you have to for some reason uncheck your luggage and recheck it not thirty yards away. And then you have to go through security again. And it's like 90 degrees in that room. I think I lost ten pounds. Okay, I need to sleep again. More details to come.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Big News
Apparently, this is my 1300th post. What excellent evidence of many, many hours wasted. I still think some of my entries from back in the days of the intestinal parasite are highly literary in character, though. Oh, and the kidney stone. Really, medical maladies of all sorts have been fairly inspirational.
No real maladies at present. Even my case of desk elbow has died down. I currently have kind of a sour taste in my mouth, but that's probably from the whitestrips. I'm trying to be as white as possible before I go to Geneva.
Work has been quite overwhelming as I prepare for the trip. I'm afraid I'm likely to be somewhat delinquent for a while around here. I'll try to post from Geneva if I can, but I'm afraid the wireless instructions will be in French. Also I don't know if I have the right plug converter for my laptop. And I'm terrified I'll somehow be detained by customs. Swiss customs must be truly menacing.
Apparently, this is my 1300th post. What excellent evidence of many, many hours wasted. I still think some of my entries from back in the days of the intestinal parasite are highly literary in character, though. Oh, and the kidney stone. Really, medical maladies of all sorts have been fairly inspirational.
No real maladies at present. Even my case of desk elbow has died down. I currently have kind of a sour taste in my mouth, but that's probably from the whitestrips. I'm trying to be as white as possible before I go to Geneva.
Work has been quite overwhelming as I prepare for the trip. I'm afraid I'm likely to be somewhat delinquent for a while around here. I'll try to post from Geneva if I can, but I'm afraid the wireless instructions will be in French. Also I don't know if I have the right plug converter for my laptop. And I'm terrified I'll somehow be detained by customs. Swiss customs must be truly menacing.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Travel Bureau
Apparently, I am going to Switzerland for work. Geneva, specifically. I have been to Switzerland before on my whirlwind post-college European tour, but it was Lucerne, I was there for about a day, and I was so jet lagged I can barely remember anything. Except for fondue. I think there was fondue. Anyway, I'm going. Next Saturday. For a week.
I don't really know anything about Geneva, aside from the Convention. So I guess I won't commit any war crimes while I'm there. I looked it up on wikipedia and it looks kind of pretty. Apparently they have a chestnut tree that heralds the arrival of spring every year. I'm not really sure of the mechanics of that, but I can look into it. Also there's a big jet of water that shoots into the air from the middle of the lake. That's got to have thousands of practical uses, I am sure.
Probably all I'm going to do while I'm there is work, but wikipedia says that museums and art galleries are "everywhere" in the city, so I'm guessing there's one across the street from my hotel, like a Walgreen's would be in Chicago. Plus it's in Europe, so they've got to have all sorts of Medieval shit, right? This is all going to come very much in handy when I'm going through exhibits in a conference room.
Apparently, I am going to Switzerland for work. Geneva, specifically. I have been to Switzerland before on my whirlwind post-college European tour, but it was Lucerne, I was there for about a day, and I was so jet lagged I can barely remember anything. Except for fondue. I think there was fondue. Anyway, I'm going. Next Saturday. For a week.
I don't really know anything about Geneva, aside from the Convention. So I guess I won't commit any war crimes while I'm there. I looked it up on wikipedia and it looks kind of pretty. Apparently they have a chestnut tree that heralds the arrival of spring every year. I'm not really sure of the mechanics of that, but I can look into it. Also there's a big jet of water that shoots into the air from the middle of the lake. That's got to have thousands of practical uses, I am sure.
Probably all I'm going to do while I'm there is work, but wikipedia says that museums and art galleries are "everywhere" in the city, so I'm guessing there's one across the street from my hotel, like a Walgreen's would be in Chicago. Plus it's in Europe, so they've got to have all sorts of Medieval shit, right? This is all going to come very much in handy when I'm going through exhibits in a conference room.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Top Model Roundup
A new cycle of America's Next Top Model is upon us. It's still a bit too early in the cycle to predict a winner, but here are some thoughts on our contestants:
Sara -- A "nontraditional beauty," which apparently means someone who looks like the "Lady Jerry" from Seinfeld. I give her two more weeks.
Alexandria -- Looks like a rougher version of Kesha, if such a thing is imaginable. Also appears to have borderline personality disorder. In it for the long haul, no doubt.
Hannah -- Pretty much a carbon copy of Annaleigh from three or four cycles ago. But less charismatic, although we never dreamed it possible. Hard to guess when she'll go, but it will barely register.
Brittani -- Tyra's "distinctive haircut" victim for this cycle. Has referred to how she's from a trailer park a couple of times now, which means she will end up back there sooner rather than later.
Dalya -- There has to be someone with an unspellable name, and she's it. Also she's black. Something of a rare commodity this cycle. More power to her.
Kasia -- The plus size one, or as Tyra used to call it "real size," or as Tyra now apparently calls it, "fiercely real." Kasia keeps referring to her big personality, which of course means she has none.
Jaclyn -- The girl with the worst voice in the history of mankind. Seriously, I would rather listen to Fran Drescher sing smooth jazz than hear this girl talk. Kind of pretty, though.
Molly -- The other blond girl.
Mikaela -- Looks like Julianna Margulies if she hadn't gotten The Good Wife and ended up getting all strung out on painkillers. Not that that's a bad thing.
Monique -- The "sexy" one. Top Model sexy is not real world sexy, generally.
A new cycle of America's Next Top Model is upon us. It's still a bit too early in the cycle to predict a winner, but here are some thoughts on our contestants:
Sara -- A "nontraditional beauty," which apparently means someone who looks like the "Lady Jerry" from Seinfeld. I give her two more weeks.
Alexandria -- Looks like a rougher version of Kesha, if such a thing is imaginable. Also appears to have borderline personality disorder. In it for the long haul, no doubt.
Hannah -- Pretty much a carbon copy of Annaleigh from three or four cycles ago. But less charismatic, although we never dreamed it possible. Hard to guess when she'll go, but it will barely register.
Brittani -- Tyra's "distinctive haircut" victim for this cycle. Has referred to how she's from a trailer park a couple of times now, which means she will end up back there sooner rather than later.
Dalya -- There has to be someone with an unspellable name, and she's it. Also she's black. Something of a rare commodity this cycle. More power to her.
Kasia -- The plus size one, or as Tyra used to call it "real size," or as Tyra now apparently calls it, "fiercely real." Kasia keeps referring to her big personality, which of course means she has none.
Jaclyn -- The girl with the worst voice in the history of mankind. Seriously, I would rather listen to Fran Drescher sing smooth jazz than hear this girl talk. Kind of pretty, though.
Molly -- The other blond girl.
Mikaela -- Looks like Julianna Margulies if she hadn't gotten The Good Wife and ended up getting all strung out on painkillers. Not that that's a bad thing.
Monique -- The "sexy" one. Top Model sexy is not real world sexy, generally.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
The Eyes Have It
Somehow I tore my right contact this morning. I did not realize this until a few hours into my work day, when I began to suspect that the searing pain in my right eye was not from accidentally viewing part of The Princess Protection Program last night. Since I am an idiot, I don't have a backup pair in my office, so I hit on the brilliant plan to just see out of my left eye all day. About three hours and a searing headache later, I tried to switch to my backup pair of glasses, only to realize that 1) the right lens was falling out of them and 2) the only contact solution I had in the office was the kind to which I am profoundly allergic. So I kept going with the whole winking right eye thing, which seemed to be especially popular in the locker room at my gym. Around six, both eyes began to water uncontrollably. So I just threw out the left contact, too, and walked around blindly until I could get home. My sister picked me up from work, but I almost got into someone else's car. It turns out there are a lot of blue blurs stopping in our arrival court most evenings.
I'm safely back in my first tier glasses now, thank you very much. And no, I do not have pinkeye, lady staring at me in the Walgreen's.
Somehow I tore my right contact this morning. I did not realize this until a few hours into my work day, when I began to suspect that the searing pain in my right eye was not from accidentally viewing part of The Princess Protection Program last night. Since I am an idiot, I don't have a backup pair in my office, so I hit on the brilliant plan to just see out of my left eye all day. About three hours and a searing headache later, I tried to switch to my backup pair of glasses, only to realize that 1) the right lens was falling out of them and 2) the only contact solution I had in the office was the kind to which I am profoundly allergic. So I kept going with the whole winking right eye thing, which seemed to be especially popular in the locker room at my gym. Around six, both eyes began to water uncontrollably. So I just threw out the left contact, too, and walked around blindly until I could get home. My sister picked me up from work, but I almost got into someone else's car. It turns out there are a lot of blue blurs stopping in our arrival court most evenings.
I'm safely back in my first tier glasses now, thank you very much. And no, I do not have pinkeye, lady staring at me in the Walgreen's.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Hoarders
I'm thinking about having a garage sale. Well, not an actual garage sale, because I don't have a garage, but I don't really have a yard either, so maybe I should just call it a sale. Also I don't think I'm really going to do it, because that would require an investment of time and energy I frankly don't make in anything not on basic cable, but my point is that I have a lot of crap that I should get out of my house.
On my bookshelf, I have a copy of Learning to Use the Internet: An Introduction with Examples and Exercises. I have tried to give this away as a "door prize" at no fewer than three parties, but have been thwarted every time. I also have a book devoted to The Real World: Las Vegas, which I did not watch. I have three copies of my law review article from 2003. And a single copy of Remembrance of Things Past, which is one copy too many in my view.
In my CD rack -- well, first let's talk about the fact that I still have a CD rack -- I have a copy of the single "Soldier" by Destiny's Child that I won at Dave & Busters and have never unwrapped. I have a Hootie & the Blowfish album that someone bought me as a joke when I was in law school. I have Billy Joel's River of Dreams which I bought at the Brown Elephant for fifty cents. I also have several boxes of cassette tapes, which are really too sad to even mention. Some of them have covers I drew myself when I was in middle school.
Oh, and I have a copy of Windows 95 sitting in the corner. Just watch, it's going to come in handy some day.
I'm thinking about having a garage sale. Well, not an actual garage sale, because I don't have a garage, but I don't really have a yard either, so maybe I should just call it a sale. Also I don't think I'm really going to do it, because that would require an investment of time and energy I frankly don't make in anything not on basic cable, but my point is that I have a lot of crap that I should get out of my house.
On my bookshelf, I have a copy of Learning to Use the Internet: An Introduction with Examples and Exercises. I have tried to give this away as a "door prize" at no fewer than three parties, but have been thwarted every time. I also have a book devoted to The Real World: Las Vegas, which I did not watch. I have three copies of my law review article from 2003. And a single copy of Remembrance of Things Past, which is one copy too many in my view.
In my CD rack -- well, first let's talk about the fact that I still have a CD rack -- I have a copy of the single "Soldier" by Destiny's Child that I won at Dave & Busters and have never unwrapped. I have a Hootie & the Blowfish album that someone bought me as a joke when I was in law school. I have Billy Joel's River of Dreams which I bought at the Brown Elephant for fifty cents. I also have several boxes of cassette tapes, which are really too sad to even mention. Some of them have covers I drew myself when I was in middle school.
Oh, and I have a copy of Windows 95 sitting in the corner. Just watch, it's going to come in handy some day.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Injuries
I'm afraid I've developed what is undoubtedly a serious medical condition, which I shall term "office elbow." It stems from the fact that for some reason I have started resting my elbows on the desk when I type; the resulting pressure on my elbows makes them sore. I can't say I totally remember what my elbows typically look like (and actually it's a bit difficult to look at one's elbows at all), but looking at them now I get the distinct impression that they are a bit swollen. And I find myself randomly massaging my elbows when I'm not at my desk, which makes me look like a bit of a pervert. Frankly, I ought to be granted workman's comp immediately.
Of course, this could also stem from the fact that I fell down on my own front steps at 8 AM Tuesday. I had tried to make an early morning run to the dry cleaners, but I found out they had closed permanently since my last visit. (Clearly, I need to get to the dry cleaners more often. Thank God I didn't have anything there I needed to pick up.) So my choice was between running back home again and taking ten dirty shirts with me to the office on the red line. In my haste to do the former, I tripped up my front steps and landed in a heap of my own shirts on the front doormat. And at exactly that moment my downstairs neighbor opened the front door to bring her dogs out for a walk, and I got a face full of terrier. Suffice it to say that I probably have to move now.
I'm afraid I've developed what is undoubtedly a serious medical condition, which I shall term "office elbow." It stems from the fact that for some reason I have started resting my elbows on the desk when I type; the resulting pressure on my elbows makes them sore. I can't say I totally remember what my elbows typically look like (and actually it's a bit difficult to look at one's elbows at all), but looking at them now I get the distinct impression that they are a bit swollen. And I find myself randomly massaging my elbows when I'm not at my desk, which makes me look like a bit of a pervert. Frankly, I ought to be granted workman's comp immediately.
Of course, this could also stem from the fact that I fell down on my own front steps at 8 AM Tuesday. I had tried to make an early morning run to the dry cleaners, but I found out they had closed permanently since my last visit. (Clearly, I need to get to the dry cleaners more often. Thank God I didn't have anything there I needed to pick up.) So my choice was between running back home again and taking ten dirty shirts with me to the office on the red line. In my haste to do the former, I tripped up my front steps and landed in a heap of my own shirts on the front doormat. And at exactly that moment my downstairs neighbor opened the front door to bring her dogs out for a walk, and I got a face full of terrier. Suffice it to say that I probably have to move now.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Oscar Wrap-Up
Well, I hope everyone made millions of dollars using my Oscar predictions. I don't even remember what they were and I'm far too lazy to look back and check, but I'm pretty sure I was 100% right. Picking Raven Symone for best actress each year is just good business sense.
I missed most of the Oscars because I was at work, but I checked Entertainment Weekly's liveblog on my computer every ten minutes or so, so I think I got the gist of it. They were boring, badly dressed, and full of halfhearted snark, right?
The last half hour seemed fairly generic. None of the winners were especially shocking, all of the speeches were excruciatingly polite, and the banter was awkward as all heck. Anne Hathaway was like the prettyish girl from your neighborhood you wish were better in her high school musical. James Franco was clearly on something. And by something I mean pot.
It was kind of fun that I read reactions to all of the dresses on the liveblog before I saw any of them. So I got the idea that Mila Kunis was wearing some amazing stylish gown as opposed to a shredded up purple kleenex. And I had no idea that Amy Adams was wearing my high school's show choir dress. Gwyneth Paltrow they put across pretty well in words, though.
Well, I hope everyone made millions of dollars using my Oscar predictions. I don't even remember what they were and I'm far too lazy to look back and check, but I'm pretty sure I was 100% right. Picking Raven Symone for best actress each year is just good business sense.
I missed most of the Oscars because I was at work, but I checked Entertainment Weekly's liveblog on my computer every ten minutes or so, so I think I got the gist of it. They were boring, badly dressed, and full of halfhearted snark, right?
The last half hour seemed fairly generic. None of the winners were especially shocking, all of the speeches were excruciatingly polite, and the banter was awkward as all heck. Anne Hathaway was like the prettyish girl from your neighborhood you wish were better in her high school musical. James Franco was clearly on something. And by something I mean pot.
It was kind of fun that I read reactions to all of the dresses on the liveblog before I saw any of them. So I got the idea that Mila Kunis was wearing some amazing stylish gown as opposed to a shredded up purple kleenex. And I had no idea that Amy Adams was wearing my high school's show choir dress. Gwyneth Paltrow they put across pretty well in words, though.
