Sunday, October 28, 2018
Architectural Digest
Every October there's an event called Open House Chicago where different buildings around the city allow the unwashed masses to track god knows what through their halls for one weekend. My mom and I usually go, because it tends to fall while she's on her Fall Break, and we enjoy things that are free and intrude on other people's privacy. This year, there was the added bonus that the weather was nice, so we didn't have to waste time cursing Chicago's very existence. So we got out and saw a few interesting spots.
We first went to a relatively new office building right on the river, where we were forced to wait in line for the privilege of taking an elevator to see "raw space" on the twenty-somethingth floor. Fortunately, my mother never has trouble thinking of things to talk about, especially when we're packed into a crowded elevator with people who might not share her political views. Unfortunately, I had the "Jellicle Song" from Cats in my head the entire time. That way madness lies.
Our second stop was also a newish office building, but it had a cool outdoor patio on its roof, which should not impress me given that my office is on the 76th floor, but I think it's human nature to want to be up high. It allows us to watch for predators. The furniture on that patio happened to be mad uncomfortable, but you can't have everything, right? When I buy the building I'll install beanbag chairs for everyone.
Finally, we went to a cool old art deco building, where I took a bunch of pictures of metalwork that looked like the cover of The Fountainhead, but presumably without the stilted prose. There were additional terraces, too, so I got my quota of fresh air for, like, the entire year. All in all it was a highly successful day, so much so that I forgot about it until now, when I needed to think of something to write about. Isn't self expression grand?
Sunday, October 14, 2018
MC Skat Kat, Eat Your Heart Out
This year in my lawyer musicale, they are including a number from Cats. Now, I never really did Cats the first time around, so I didn't know much about it, other than that it ran forever and provided a plot point for a very early episode of Friends. (The one where Monica becomes friends with the woman who stole her credit card.) So I did a little Googling, and holy fuck! It is creepy as hell. I have seriously been kept awake at night imagining those cat-men staring at me and, like, grooming themselves. Also, I don't get it? It seems like a lot of cat-men and cat-women jazz dancing randomly. Does anything ever actually happen? Also, what the hell is a Jellicle?
The great news, though, is that Cats ended up being a gateway drug for me to other cat-related entertainment, specifically the insane Gloria Estefan video for "Bad Boy," in which she flirts coquettishly with an array of giant cat-men, some of whom play saxophones. A cat tail is used as a visual reference to an erect penis, and we are led to believe that Gloria Estefan carries around a live goldfish at all times in case she needs to feed a cat-man. Also, she's got a hell of a home perm going on. It's worth a look, believe me.
This year in my lawyer musicale, they are including a number from Cats. Now, I never really did Cats the first time around, so I didn't know much about it, other than that it ran forever and provided a plot point for a very early episode of Friends. (The one where Monica becomes friends with the woman who stole her credit card.) So I did a little Googling, and holy fuck! It is creepy as hell. I have seriously been kept awake at night imagining those cat-men staring at me and, like, grooming themselves. Also, I don't get it? It seems like a lot of cat-men and cat-women jazz dancing randomly. Does anything ever actually happen? Also, what the hell is a Jellicle?
The great news, though, is that Cats ended up being a gateway drug for me to other cat-related entertainment, specifically the insane Gloria Estefan video for "Bad Boy," in which she flirts coquettishly with an array of giant cat-men, some of whom play saxophones. A cat tail is used as a visual reference to an erect penis, and we are led to believe that Gloria Estefan carries around a live goldfish at all times in case she needs to feed a cat-man. Also, she's got a hell of a home perm going on. It's worth a look, believe me.
Sunday, October 07, 2018
Urinetown
Our little Aubrey has developed an intestinal disorder, I'm afraid. We don't know exactly what it is yet -- she's having a biopsy at the end of the month, for approximately the price of a midsize automobile -- but we do know that it results in excessive urination. Which means that for the past month or so we've been playing "find the pee spot" every time we get home from work. (She's actually pretty good at it; I'm amazed by some of the places she manages to squeeze urine into.)
The good news, I guess, is that we just had my mom's puppy here last year, so we are pretty experienced in the piss removal business. We've whipped up a little cocktail of Nature's Miracle and OxyClean that makes carpets almost look like nothing ever happened. (We tried putting out pee pads, but Aubrey apparently thinks they are beneath her, as she will stride right past them to do her business.) Of course, we still know that something happened, but pet ownership is a story of learning to live with filth, basically.
So yeah, it's unlikely I'll be starting my own lifestyle brand any time soon.
Our little Aubrey has developed an intestinal disorder, I'm afraid. We don't know exactly what it is yet -- she's having a biopsy at the end of the month, for approximately the price of a midsize automobile -- but we do know that it results in excessive urination. Which means that for the past month or so we've been playing "find the pee spot" every time we get home from work. (She's actually pretty good at it; I'm amazed by some of the places she manages to squeeze urine into.)
The good news, I guess, is that we just had my mom's puppy here last year, so we are pretty experienced in the piss removal business. We've whipped up a little cocktail of Nature's Miracle and OxyClean that makes carpets almost look like nothing ever happened. (We tried putting out pee pads, but Aubrey apparently thinks they are beneath her, as she will stride right past them to do her business.) Of course, we still know that something happened, but pet ownership is a story of learning to live with filth, basically.
So yeah, it's unlikely I'll be starting my own lifestyle brand any time soon.
