Saturday, February 27, 2010
Flixed Off
I love Netflix for a lot of reasons. First, it helps me towards my goal of not ever leaving my house, which is something that work, friends, and family seldom do. Second, it allows me to sample a wide variety of obscure movies I secretly enjoy without enduring the judgment of others. If I want to rent up a copy of Pippin or some German documentary about stools, Netflix can make it happen with a minimum of mockery. And finally, as a list person, I really do just enjoy the thrill of adding and deleting things. Not to mention re-ranking. It's like I've died and gone to heaven.
But lately I'm having a problem with my Netflix taunting me. I'll get a disc that I thought I really wanted and then realize that in fact I have absolutely no desire to see it. I turns out that in theory I want to see a lot of really smart movies with subtitles and shit, but in practice I kind of just want to watch old episodes of Sabrina the Teenage Witch on ABC Family. And so many of the classics of world cinema end up spending months at a time just sitting on the credenza next to my blu-ray player while Felicity: Sophomore Year is on heavy rotation.
I did finally watch The Conversation last night, though, which has been in residence here since I believe September. It was okay. Movies really have started moving a lot faster in the past couple decades, though, I have to say.
I love Netflix for a lot of reasons. First, it helps me towards my goal of not ever leaving my house, which is something that work, friends, and family seldom do. Second, it allows me to sample a wide variety of obscure movies I secretly enjoy without enduring the judgment of others. If I want to rent up a copy of Pippin or some German documentary about stools, Netflix can make it happen with a minimum of mockery. And finally, as a list person, I really do just enjoy the thrill of adding and deleting things. Not to mention re-ranking. It's like I've died and gone to heaven.
But lately I'm having a problem with my Netflix taunting me. I'll get a disc that I thought I really wanted and then realize that in fact I have absolutely no desire to see it. I turns out that in theory I want to see a lot of really smart movies with subtitles and shit, but in practice I kind of just want to watch old episodes of Sabrina the Teenage Witch on ABC Family. And so many of the classics of world cinema end up spending months at a time just sitting on the credenza next to my blu-ray player while Felicity: Sophomore Year is on heavy rotation.
I did finally watch The Conversation last night, though, which has been in residence here since I believe September. It was okay. Movies really have started moving a lot faster in the past couple decades, though, I have to say.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Hustler
My sister is doing the Hustle Up the Hancock this weekend. It's this thing where people run up the stairs of the Hancock building for no apparent reason. Well, it's for charity, actually, but the thing is that they would still be allowed to give money to charity even without all of the physical exertion. That's why my checkbook is so damn buff; I let it do most of the exercise.
There is some concern that my sister will become permanently disabled as a result of this venture, thank you for asking. She's always had some athletic interests, but they were mainly of the spectating kind. She did enter a tennis tournament in Champaign once and got her picture in the paper for it. That's the kind of hard news that wins Pulitzers.
The main thing, I think, is that they don't have to go back down, which is good, because I once did 27 flights up and down and ended up being unable to walk for three days. She has been practicing in our stairwell at home as well, which has earned her a lot of strange looks from neighbors, but then she just reminds those people that we can hear them fucking. And frankly it doesn't sound like that much fun.
So I guess I'll report on that some more on Sunday. Or maybe I'll forget entirely. God knows I like to keep people guessing.
My sister is doing the Hustle Up the Hancock this weekend. It's this thing where people run up the stairs of the Hancock building for no apparent reason. Well, it's for charity, actually, but the thing is that they would still be allowed to give money to charity even without all of the physical exertion. That's why my checkbook is so damn buff; I let it do most of the exercise.
There is some concern that my sister will become permanently disabled as a result of this venture, thank you for asking. She's always had some athletic interests, but they were mainly of the spectating kind. She did enter a tennis tournament in Champaign once and got her picture in the paper for it. That's the kind of hard news that wins Pulitzers.
The main thing, I think, is that they don't have to go back down, which is good, because I once did 27 flights up and down and ended up being unable to walk for three days. She has been practicing in our stairwell at home as well, which has earned her a lot of strange looks from neighbors, but then she just reminds those people that we can hear them fucking. And frankly it doesn't sound like that much fun.
So I guess I'll report on that some more on Sunday. Or maybe I'll forget entirely. God knows I like to keep people guessing.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Olympic Moments
Okay, so I also need to say a bit on the topic of Apolo (Anton) Ohno. I find him to be rather aggressively unattractive. The landing strip on the chin just needs to go. I also hate his habit of suddenly yelling "whoo!" or doing a fist pump in the middle of an interview. And the fact that he was on Dancing With the Stars. I do appreciate his quickness on the ice, I suppose. And I'm more than a little afraid of him, for I do believe his thighs are deadly weapons. But all in all, I will welcome his return to relative obscurity when the next week or so is over.
I will also be glad to see less of Bob Costas, who does not age. And Mary Carillo. Good God, Mary Carillo. A few days ago she did a "human interest piece" on the Canadian Mounties and dressed in uniform and marched around with a bunch of them, and I swear to God I could not even tell which one was her. Also she did a piece on polar bears and somehow failed to get mauled. I really want to know who at NBC decided to give over a chunk of prime time to Mary Carillo irritating various Canadian people as opposed to, um, I don't know, live coverage of events. Probably the same person who decided to go all in on Jay Leno.
I do still love curling, though. It's just pointless enough to tickle my sense of irony. And ski jump, for the feeling of superiority I get from not doing something with an unnecessarily high probability of lethalness.
Okay, so I also need to say a bit on the topic of Apolo (Anton) Ohno. I find him to be rather aggressively unattractive. The landing strip on the chin just needs to go. I also hate his habit of suddenly yelling "whoo!" or doing a fist pump in the middle of an interview. And the fact that he was on Dancing With the Stars. I do appreciate his quickness on the ice, I suppose. And I'm more than a little afraid of him, for I do believe his thighs are deadly weapons. But all in all, I will welcome his return to relative obscurity when the next week or so is over.
I will also be glad to see less of Bob Costas, who does not age. And Mary Carillo. Good God, Mary Carillo. A few days ago she did a "human interest piece" on the Canadian Mounties and dressed in uniform and marched around with a bunch of them, and I swear to God I could not even tell which one was her. Also she did a piece on polar bears and somehow failed to get mauled. I really want to know who at NBC decided to give over a chunk of prime time to Mary Carillo irritating various Canadian people as opposed to, um, I don't know, live coverage of events. Probably the same person who decided to go all in on Jay Leno.
I do still love curling, though. It's just pointless enough to tickle my sense of irony. And ski jump, for the feeling of superiority I get from not doing something with an unnecessarily high probability of lethalness.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Whiteout
I have to admit I'm having a certain amount of difficulty understanding the whole Shaun White phenomenon. I mean, okay, he's very good at riding around on a little board and doing flips and stuff. But it's not like he invented the board or the snow or the laws of physics or anything. And I find his personal presence to be rather offputting. He's like a more awkward version of Carrot Top. In fact, he's not even as buff as Carrot Top, ever since the steroids. Also not as frightening, I suppose. But that's not the point! The point is I don't get it.
He has his own clothing line at Target. Who gets up in the morning and thinks, hey, I want to dress like that goofy, longhaired snowboarder?
He has an endorsement deal with HP. Is there some digital aspect to snowboarding I am missing? I wouldn't buy a snowboard from Bill Gates.
At least he didn't fall over like most of the U.S. female snowboarders, though. That was embarrassing. I thought one or two of them were in danger of leaving their faces behind on the halfpipe.
Halfpipe. How funny. I get the sense that Shaun White is going for the whole pipe, if you know what I mean.
I have to admit I'm having a certain amount of difficulty understanding the whole Shaun White phenomenon. I mean, okay, he's very good at riding around on a little board and doing flips and stuff. But it's not like he invented the board or the snow or the laws of physics or anything. And I find his personal presence to be rather offputting. He's like a more awkward version of Carrot Top. In fact, he's not even as buff as Carrot Top, ever since the steroids. Also not as frightening, I suppose. But that's not the point! The point is I don't get it.
He has his own clothing line at Target. Who gets up in the morning and thinks, hey, I want to dress like that goofy, longhaired snowboarder?
He has an endorsement deal with HP. Is there some digital aspect to snowboarding I am missing? I wouldn't buy a snowboard from Bill Gates.
At least he didn't fall over like most of the U.S. female snowboarders, though. That was embarrassing. I thought one or two of them were in danger of leaving their faces behind on the halfpipe.
Halfpipe. How funny. I get the sense that Shaun White is going for the whole pipe, if you know what I mean.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Rebalution
I can't believe that I am about to type these words, but I have started watching Reba in the mornings as I get ready for work. And what's worse, I can't even tell whether I'm enjoying it ironically or not. All I know is I love that damned little redheaded moptop.
Actually, I've had a secret fondness for Reba (the individual, not the delightful WB entertainment) for years. Who didn't love the ridiculous over-the-top awfulness of her classic duet/caftan fashion show "Does He Love You?" Or the incredible high-waisted fashions of her "Why Haven't I Heard from You?" Or her later duet with Kelly Clarkson, wherein they both pretended to be '40s torch singers (or in Kelly's case, someone who ate a '40s torch singer)? The brutal unnecessariness of it all is what makes it so wonderful, let's be honest.
Oh, and I forgot to mention Tremors. I never worried that Reba would get eaten by the giant underground worm monster, because there was no way that thing could keep so much Aquanet down.
But anyway, Reba the television program. The theme song announces that Reba's character (Reba) is "a single mom who works too hard," although in the twenty or so episodes I've now seen, I still have not managed to discern what Reba's job is. (It also announces that she "loves her kids," but as to the misbegotten redhead, that seems unlikely.) Much of the time it seems as though the director announced a contest for which actor could make the craziest, most unnatural face. Most of the plots center around silly misunderstandings, like the time someone thought Reba was a lesbian, heaven forbid. Oh, and there are child actors.
And yet I can't look away.
I can't believe that I am about to type these words, but I have started watching Reba in the mornings as I get ready for work. And what's worse, I can't even tell whether I'm enjoying it ironically or not. All I know is I love that damned little redheaded moptop.
Actually, I've had a secret fondness for Reba (the individual, not the delightful WB entertainment) for years. Who didn't love the ridiculous over-the-top awfulness of her classic duet/caftan fashion show "Does He Love You?" Or the incredible high-waisted fashions of her "Why Haven't I Heard from You?" Or her later duet with Kelly Clarkson, wherein they both pretended to be '40s torch singers (or in Kelly's case, someone who ate a '40s torch singer)? The brutal unnecessariness of it all is what makes it so wonderful, let's be honest.
Oh, and I forgot to mention Tremors. I never worried that Reba would get eaten by the giant underground worm monster, because there was no way that thing could keep so much Aquanet down.
But anyway, Reba the television program. The theme song announces that Reba's character (Reba) is "a single mom who works too hard," although in the twenty or so episodes I've now seen, I still have not managed to discern what Reba's job is. (It also announces that she "loves her kids," but as to the misbegotten redhead, that seems unlikely.) Much of the time it seems as though the director announced a contest for which actor could make the craziest, most unnatural face. Most of the plots center around silly misunderstandings, like the time someone thought Reba was a lesbian, heaven forbid. Oh, and there are child actors.
And yet I can't look away.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Pictures at an Exhibition
I turned 32 recently, and since I haven't really gone out for a birthday since the Apprentice was the hot new show on television and no one knew Mel Gibson was an anti-Semite yet, a few friends came by to celebrate. Photographic evidence follows.
This is possibly the finest gift I have ever received from a CVS. We even taped a pen to the side of it so you could write while fanning yourself.
Former Roommate Liz brought be a copy of Lauren Conrad's debut novel, L.A. Candy, as a gift. Which was super nice, because I was holding out for Audrina Partridge's collection of sonnets.
This was not from my birthday, but from our fake Thanksgiving celebration. Liz has owned that hat for many years, but always leaves it at my house, presumably because the hat has murderous impulses.
Ian made butternut squash soup. The secret ingredient was benadryl.
Thanks to many years of watching Top Model, Liz has learned how to make brandishing a knife look warm and welcoming.
I turned 32 recently, and since I haven't really gone out for a birthday since the Apprentice was the hot new show on television and no one knew Mel Gibson was an anti-Semite yet, a few friends came by to celebrate. Photographic evidence follows.
This is possibly the finest gift I have ever received from a CVS. We even taped a pen to the side of it so you could write while fanning yourself.
Former Roommate Liz brought be a copy of Lauren Conrad's debut novel, L.A. Candy, as a gift. Which was super nice, because I was holding out for Audrina Partridge's collection of sonnets.
This was not from my birthday, but from our fake Thanksgiving celebration. Liz has owned that hat for many years, but always leaves it at my house, presumably because the hat has murderous impulses.
Ian made butternut squash soup. The secret ingredient was benadryl.
Thanks to many years of watching Top Model, Liz has learned how to make brandishing a knife look warm and welcoming.Saturday, February 13, 2010
Open Forum
I'm going to have to say a few words about the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. Admittedly, I watched most of them on fast forward, but they still seemed like kind of a snooze. Of course, the part where all the athletes walk around while Bob Costas intones factoids about their national birds and the design of their track pants is always pretty boring, but I was kind of hoping the "artistic" segment would be a spectacular laser show set to the works of Celine Dion or something. Instead we got Sarah McLachlan dressed like a drag queen and people dancing in a fake forest. Even the part with the aboriginal dancers was kind of slow -- couldn't they engage in some human sacrifice or something? Oh wait, I forgot, they're Canadian.
Today they showed mainly speed skating, which led to lots of hilarious hype on Apolo (Anton) Ohno. It's hard to believe that a guy with chin pubes is in fact the greatest athlete of all time, but I guess in a sense he does literally walk on water. There was also a segment of moguls, wherein people ski over what seem to be unnecessarily bumpy patches of snow and occasionally toss themselves into the air. I liked that, but it seemed to have rather a high potential for fatalities. Also, again, lots of track pants.
And what the hell was the deal with the giant bear? Is mauling an event this time around?
I'm going to have to say a few words about the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. Admittedly, I watched most of them on fast forward, but they still seemed like kind of a snooze. Of course, the part where all the athletes walk around while Bob Costas intones factoids about their national birds and the design of their track pants is always pretty boring, but I was kind of hoping the "artistic" segment would be a spectacular laser show set to the works of Celine Dion or something. Instead we got Sarah McLachlan dressed like a drag queen and people dancing in a fake forest. Even the part with the aboriginal dancers was kind of slow -- couldn't they engage in some human sacrifice or something? Oh wait, I forgot, they're Canadian.
Today they showed mainly speed skating, which led to lots of hilarious hype on Apolo (Anton) Ohno. It's hard to believe that a guy with chin pubes is in fact the greatest athlete of all time, but I guess in a sense he does literally walk on water. There was also a segment of moguls, wherein people ski over what seem to be unnecessarily bumpy patches of snow and occasionally toss themselves into the air. I liked that, but it seemed to have rather a high potential for fatalities. Also, again, lots of track pants.
And what the hell was the deal with the giant bear? Is mauling an event this time around?
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Big Hurt
I finally saw The Hurt Locker on Tuesday. And first of all, let me say how much I love the fact that I'm constantly starting sentences with "I finally saw" these days. It seems like it's pretty much a rule that I'm not going to see something until after it's stopped being at all pop culturally relevant. Unless my desk becomes some hot new trend, in which case I'm completely covered.
Anyway, The Hurt Locker. It was pretty good. I thought it was kind of cool that the more famous a person was in the movie the more likely it was they were going to die. Or only be in it for about ninety seconds, like Evangeline Lilly. I thought it conveyed a pretty good sense of what the war in Iraq is like, although admittedly I have no idea what that war is like except from what I've read in magazines. So if Us Weekly is off on its war coverage, then maybe I'm wrong here, I don't know.
It was certainly very suspenseful, as I guess movies with lots of explosives are bound to be. I was kind of cringing the whole time worrying that things were going to blow up. Also I kind of hated the main character more than a little bit. He just made too many bad decisions, you know? It's kind of like how I feel about Jennifer Aniston.
I don't know if it should be best picture or not, but I would certainly rather it win than Avatar, which still strikes me as simultaneously boring and gay. I'm thinking about seeing Up in the Air this weekend; maybe that will help me decide what to back.
I finally saw The Hurt Locker on Tuesday. And first of all, let me say how much I love the fact that I'm constantly starting sentences with "I finally saw" these days. It seems like it's pretty much a rule that I'm not going to see something until after it's stopped being at all pop culturally relevant. Unless my desk becomes some hot new trend, in which case I'm completely covered.
Anyway, The Hurt Locker. It was pretty good. I thought it was kind of cool that the more famous a person was in the movie the more likely it was they were going to die. Or only be in it for about ninety seconds, like Evangeline Lilly. I thought it conveyed a pretty good sense of what the war in Iraq is like, although admittedly I have no idea what that war is like except from what I've read in magazines. So if Us Weekly is off on its war coverage, then maybe I'm wrong here, I don't know.
It was certainly very suspenseful, as I guess movies with lots of explosives are bound to be. I was kind of cringing the whole time worrying that things were going to blow up. Also I kind of hated the main character more than a little bit. He just made too many bad decisions, you know? It's kind of like how I feel about Jennifer Aniston.
I don't know if it should be best picture or not, but I would certainly rather it win than Avatar, which still strikes me as simultaneously boring and gay. I'm thinking about seeing Up in the Air this weekend; maybe that will help me decide what to back.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
In Treatment
So my sister became convinced that she was going blind because some guy at Wal Mart optical a couple of years ago told her that she had scratches on her cornea due to sleeping in her contacts and needed to get Lasik surgery. After months of fretting, she finally scheduled a visit with a new eye doctor, but decided that I needed to accompany her, apparently because I'm good at intimidating optical maladies? As it ended up, she felt better pretty much the minute we got in there and I just spent an hour and a half sitting in a chair in the waiting room and wishing they had magazines other than Highlights Hidden Pictures. Or that someone hadn't circled all the damned hidden pictures in green magic marker. I did help pick out some lovely frames, though. Oh, and she is not actually going blind, in case you were actually concerned about that. Her lack of difficulty seeing probably should have been a clue.
Meanwhile, my dentist has decided that I have terrible problems with dry mouth, which I have to admit I always had thought of as more of an annoyance than a legitimate malady. But either way he has directed me to use a mouthwash that tastes like the bottom of Tyne Daly's feet and to try to sleep with my mouth closed, which should be just about as easy as trying to do anything in particular while one is sleeping. Perhaps I'll try to practice the violin while I'm sleeping as well.
So my sister became convinced that she was going blind because some guy at Wal Mart optical a couple of years ago told her that she had scratches on her cornea due to sleeping in her contacts and needed to get Lasik surgery. After months of fretting, she finally scheduled a visit with a new eye doctor, but decided that I needed to accompany her, apparently because I'm good at intimidating optical maladies? As it ended up, she felt better pretty much the minute we got in there and I just spent an hour and a half sitting in a chair in the waiting room and wishing they had magazines other than Highlights Hidden Pictures. Or that someone hadn't circled all the damned hidden pictures in green magic marker. I did help pick out some lovely frames, though. Oh, and she is not actually going blind, in case you were actually concerned about that. Her lack of difficulty seeing probably should have been a clue.
Meanwhile, my dentist has decided that I have terrible problems with dry mouth, which I have to admit I always had thought of as more of an annoyance than a legitimate malady. But either way he has directed me to use a mouthwash that tastes like the bottom of Tyne Daly's feet and to try to sleep with my mouth closed, which should be just about as easy as trying to do anything in particular while one is sleeping. Perhaps I'll try to practice the violin while I'm sleeping as well.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Back to Business
Well, that was an eventful absence. My trial ended up being three days down in Champaign. Each day was about an 18 or 20 hour workday. Which made the fact that I packed both workout clothes and a swimsuit more than a little sad. I didn't even have time to go eat dinner at the diner where they put gravy on everything. I did drive past the law school every day on my way from the hotel to the courthouse, though. Surprisingly, doing so did not throw me into a state of shock.
We lost at trial, as we sort of expected we would. Our case was not an easy one, and it did not help that all of the people in the jury pool looked as though they wanted to murder us. Most of them were from places I've never heard of, and I spent a lot of time down in central Illinois. The judge seemed to like us, though. He kept sustaining my objections, even when I wasn't 100% sure why I was making them.
We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn, which is where a parking lot used to be when I was in school there. They served cookies at the front desk almost constantly and they had free wireless and free printing in the business center (although it took about twenty minutes per page). Also everyone was almost supernaturally friendly. I kept muttering swear words under my breath to see if I could get them to be mad at me, but to no avail.
I'm glad to be back, needless to say.
Well, that was an eventful absence. My trial ended up being three days down in Champaign. Each day was about an 18 or 20 hour workday. Which made the fact that I packed both workout clothes and a swimsuit more than a little sad. I didn't even have time to go eat dinner at the diner where they put gravy on everything. I did drive past the law school every day on my way from the hotel to the courthouse, though. Surprisingly, doing so did not throw me into a state of shock.
We lost at trial, as we sort of expected we would. Our case was not an easy one, and it did not help that all of the people in the jury pool looked as though they wanted to murder us. Most of them were from places I've never heard of, and I spent a lot of time down in central Illinois. The judge seemed to like us, though. He kept sustaining my objections, even when I wasn't 100% sure why I was making them.
We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn, which is where a parking lot used to be when I was in school there. They served cookies at the front desk almost constantly and they had free wireless and free printing in the business center (although it took about twenty minutes per page). Also everyone was almost supernaturally friendly. I kept muttering swear words under my breath to see if I could get them to be mad at me, but to no avail.
I'm glad to be back, needless to say.
