Sunday, April 28, 2019
Tower Time
We took my niece and nephew to my office building last weekend, since it happens to be the Willis (nee Sears) Tower, and the views are impressive to those who don't see them behind their double monitors full of work each day. My nephew took the opportunity to get truly weird. He showed almost no interest in looking out the windows, and when I pointed out buildings he might recognize like the building he used to live in, he cut me off in true Miranda Priestly fashion. He then took to crawling and lying on the floors, though he is almost four, and playing with the sliding back on the couch in the reception area, which is admittedly quite fascinating. Next, he shouted "come on guys, I want to see some more cool stuff" before tearing off down the hallway towards nothing in particular. I think his favorite attraction was the carpet in our large conference room, which he noted was squares, before running in circles around it for about ten minutes. I'm actually pretty jealous, as I've never been able to take that much joy in it. Of course, I also don't get nap time.
Monday, April 22, 2019
Quoth the Raven
Do yourselves a favor and google "Raven pie." Actually, don't, because that probably brings up some pretty disgusting porn. But find the video of Raven Symone performing a song about pie on her Disney Channel program Raven's Home, which will be the best minute and twenty-five seconds you spend in your entire tragic life. I can't tell you much about the program itself, which seems to be a comedic take on DCFS home visit footage, but the song is for the ages. You see, Raven's character (also named Raven, I believe) wants to get her son a better part in the play, so she offers the director (who is also the basketball coach, and I would guess the school nurse) sex, except she refers to it as pie. And she dresses herself up like she's running an old timey pie shop and pops and locks until she runs out of oxygen, which is fairly quickly these days. There are also backup dancers who gyrate wildly with fake pies attached to their hands, all the while wondering why they spent all that money on Juliard. Plus Raven's patented (one assumes) brand of face acting. I'm calling it right now: next year will be #ravenchella.
Do yourselves a favor and google "Raven pie." Actually, don't, because that probably brings up some pretty disgusting porn. But find the video of Raven Symone performing a song about pie on her Disney Channel program Raven's Home, which will be the best minute and twenty-five seconds you spend in your entire tragic life. I can't tell you much about the program itself, which seems to be a comedic take on DCFS home visit footage, but the song is for the ages. You see, Raven's character (also named Raven, I believe) wants to get her son a better part in the play, so she offers the director (who is also the basketball coach, and I would guess the school nurse) sex, except she refers to it as pie. And she dresses herself up like she's running an old timey pie shop and pops and locks until she runs out of oxygen, which is fairly quickly these days. There are also backup dancers who gyrate wildly with fake pies attached to their hands, all the while wondering why they spent all that money on Juliard. Plus Raven's patented (one assumes) brand of face acting. I'm calling it right now: next year will be #ravenchella.
Saturday, April 13, 2019
China Doll
Here are some pictures from my trip! You didn't seriously think you were getting away without seeing any, did you?
Here's the Hong Kong ferris wheel, or "observation wheel" as those of us who are classy say. I have a long history of freaking out on these things, but I made it through this one unscathed.
Hong Kong at night is crazy attractive. Lights everywhere. It almost makes up for the lack of the Hallmark Channel.
I had KFC not once but twice on this trip. That is as many times as I had previously had it in my entire life. It was OK.
It's always reassuring when the elevator signage warns you of your impending death.
They've got robots in China. To serve us and, I assume, eventually enslave us.
Here are some pictures from my trip! You didn't seriously think you were getting away without seeing any, did you?
Here's the Hong Kong ferris wheel, or "observation wheel" as those of us who are classy say. I have a long history of freaking out on these things, but I made it through this one unscathed.
Hong Kong at night is crazy attractive. Lights everywhere. It almost makes up for the lack of the Hallmark Channel.
I had KFC not once but twice on this trip. That is as many times as I had previously had it in my entire life. It was OK.
It's always reassuring when the elevator signage warns you of your impending death.
They've got robots in China. To serve us and, I assume, eventually enslave us.
Sunday, April 07, 2019
The Jet Set
So funny thing: it turns out jet lag is very real and very unpleasant. Last Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I barely made it to 8 PM before falling asleep for the night. And it wasn't like I was waking up at 4 AM, either; I slept like ten hours a night and still didn't feel rested. It is, of course, just barely possible that it was a bad idea for me to go out drinking with my friends until 2 AM the night I got back from China, but who wants to go laying blame, anyway? Regardless, I managed to push bedtime back about an hour a night until I finally got back on something resembling my normal sleep schedule. Which is a good thing, because the 10 PM edition of Murder, She Wrote isn't going to watch itself.
The other good news is that my extensive flight time allowed me to catch up on some movies, when I wasn't sleeping or awkwardly asking to be release from my window seat so I could pee. I finally saw a Star is Born, and kind of didn't get the hype. I mean, we weren't exactly in Britney Spears' Crossroads territory, but the Cher cinematic canon doesn't need to feel threatened, either. I thought the Oscar song was fine and all, but there was an awful lot of singing, and not in the "I somehow ended up buying the Country Strong soundtrack" kind of way. I also watched BlackKklansman, which was fine. The story was interesting enough, but I did feel a bit like I was continually being hammered to EMBRACE THE CONTEMPORARY RELEVANCE, PEOPLE! Also, I will never accept Adam Driver as a legitimate actor; he will always be that greasy dude from Girls to me.
So funny thing: it turns out jet lag is very real and very unpleasant. Last Saturday, Sunday, and Monday I barely made it to 8 PM before falling asleep for the night. And it wasn't like I was waking up at 4 AM, either; I slept like ten hours a night and still didn't feel rested. It is, of course, just barely possible that it was a bad idea for me to go out drinking with my friends until 2 AM the night I got back from China, but who wants to go laying blame, anyway? Regardless, I managed to push bedtime back about an hour a night until I finally got back on something resembling my normal sleep schedule. Which is a good thing, because the 10 PM edition of Murder, She Wrote isn't going to watch itself.
The other good news is that my extensive flight time allowed me to catch up on some movies, when I wasn't sleeping or awkwardly asking to be release from my window seat so I could pee. I finally saw a Star is Born, and kind of didn't get the hype. I mean, we weren't exactly in Britney Spears' Crossroads territory, but the Cher cinematic canon doesn't need to feel threatened, either. I thought the Oscar song was fine and all, but there was an awful lot of singing, and not in the "I somehow ended up buying the Country Strong soundtrack" kind of way. I also watched BlackKklansman, which was fine. The story was interesting enough, but I did feel a bit like I was continually being hammered to EMBRACE THE CONTEMPORARY RELEVANCE, PEOPLE! Also, I will never accept Adam Driver as a legitimate actor; he will always be that greasy dude from Girls to me.
