Monday, April 22, 2019
Quoth the Raven
Do yourselves a favor and google "Raven pie." Actually, don't, because that probably brings up some pretty disgusting porn. But find the video of Raven Symone performing a song about pie on her Disney Channel program Raven's Home, which will be the best minute and twenty-five seconds you spend in your entire tragic life. I can't tell you much about the program itself, which seems to be a comedic take on DCFS home visit footage, but the song is for the ages. You see, Raven's character (also named Raven, I believe) wants to get her son a better part in the play, so she offers the director (who is also the basketball coach, and I would guess the school nurse) sex, except she refers to it as pie. And she dresses herself up like she's running an old timey pie shop and pops and locks until she runs out of oxygen, which is fairly quickly these days. There are also backup dancers who gyrate wildly with fake pies attached to their hands, all the while wondering why they spent all that money on Juliard. Plus Raven's patented (one assumes) brand of face acting. I'm calling it right now: next year will be #ravenchella.
Do yourselves a favor and google "Raven pie." Actually, don't, because that probably brings up some pretty disgusting porn. But find the video of Raven Symone performing a song about pie on her Disney Channel program Raven's Home, which will be the best minute and twenty-five seconds you spend in your entire tragic life. I can't tell you much about the program itself, which seems to be a comedic take on DCFS home visit footage, but the song is for the ages. You see, Raven's character (also named Raven, I believe) wants to get her son a better part in the play, so she offers the director (who is also the basketball coach, and I would guess the school nurse) sex, except she refers to it as pie. And she dresses herself up like she's running an old timey pie shop and pops and locks until she runs out of oxygen, which is fairly quickly these days. There are also backup dancers who gyrate wildly with fake pies attached to their hands, all the while wondering why they spent all that money on Juliard. Plus Raven's patented (one assumes) brand of face acting. I'm calling it right now: next year will be #ravenchella.
