Thursday, March 10, 2011
Top Model Roundup
A new cycle of America's Next Top Model is upon us. It's still a bit too early in the cycle to predict a winner, but here are some thoughts on our contestants:
Sara -- A "nontraditional beauty," which apparently means someone who looks like the "Lady Jerry" from Seinfeld. I give her two more weeks.
Alexandria -- Looks like a rougher version of Kesha, if such a thing is imaginable. Also appears to have borderline personality disorder. In it for the long haul, no doubt.
Hannah -- Pretty much a carbon copy of Annaleigh from three or four cycles ago. But less charismatic, although we never dreamed it possible. Hard to guess when she'll go, but it will barely register.
Brittani -- Tyra's "distinctive haircut" victim for this cycle. Has referred to how she's from a trailer park a couple of times now, which means she will end up back there sooner rather than later.
Dalya -- There has to be someone with an unspellable name, and she's it. Also she's black. Something of a rare commodity this cycle. More power to her.
Kasia -- The plus size one, or as Tyra used to call it "real size," or as Tyra now apparently calls it, "fiercely real." Kasia keeps referring to her big personality, which of course means she has none.
Jaclyn -- The girl with the worst voice in the history of mankind. Seriously, I would rather listen to Fran Drescher sing smooth jazz than hear this girl talk. Kind of pretty, though.
Molly -- The other blond girl.
Mikaela -- Looks like Julianna Margulies if she hadn't gotten The Good Wife and ended up getting all strung out on painkillers. Not that that's a bad thing.
Monique -- The "sexy" one. Top Model sexy is not real world sexy, generally.
A new cycle of America's Next Top Model is upon us. It's still a bit too early in the cycle to predict a winner, but here are some thoughts on our contestants:
Sara -- A "nontraditional beauty," which apparently means someone who looks like the "Lady Jerry" from Seinfeld. I give her two more weeks.
Alexandria -- Looks like a rougher version of Kesha, if such a thing is imaginable. Also appears to have borderline personality disorder. In it for the long haul, no doubt.
Hannah -- Pretty much a carbon copy of Annaleigh from three or four cycles ago. But less charismatic, although we never dreamed it possible. Hard to guess when she'll go, but it will barely register.
Brittani -- Tyra's "distinctive haircut" victim for this cycle. Has referred to how she's from a trailer park a couple of times now, which means she will end up back there sooner rather than later.
Dalya -- There has to be someone with an unspellable name, and she's it. Also she's black. Something of a rare commodity this cycle. More power to her.
Kasia -- The plus size one, or as Tyra used to call it "real size," or as Tyra now apparently calls it, "fiercely real." Kasia keeps referring to her big personality, which of course means she has none.
Jaclyn -- The girl with the worst voice in the history of mankind. Seriously, I would rather listen to Fran Drescher sing smooth jazz than hear this girl talk. Kind of pretty, though.
Molly -- The other blond girl.
Mikaela -- Looks like Julianna Margulies if she hadn't gotten The Good Wife and ended up getting all strung out on painkillers. Not that that's a bad thing.
Monique -- The "sexy" one. Top Model sexy is not real world sexy, generally.
