Saturday, October 17, 2020
From the Department of Home Remedies
I have an unfortunate tendency to experiment on myself with over the counter products from Walgreen's. Faithful readers will no doubt recall the Nair Incident of 2007 or so, where I created an interesting pattern of chemical burns on my chest that, if you squinted, somewhat resembled the Virgin Mary. I have also accidentally dyed a pillow an interesting shade of green by using a questionable in retrospect mud mask, and left myself temporarily unable to walk after a battle with some rather potent foot cream. Generally, I have no excuse except vanity for undertaking these efforts at home instead of seeing a trained physician, but this time around I at least have the pandemic as a somewhat solid reason for not scheduling an actual dermatologist appointment to deal with the wart near my armpit.
So yes, I tried to use a CVS purchase to freeze a wart off my body. It was, to be fair, a name brand contraption and the instructions made it seem totally legit. But in practice, what happened was I felt a rather painful burning sensation, left a giant red welt on my skin, and the wart remained to mock me. Given the location, I found it unpleasant to raise my arms for a week and I had to sleep on the other side of my body. And now I will not only have to schedule that dermatologist appointment, but also describe what I did to myself when they inevitably ask.
I'm giving up my career as a home physician. Or so I claim. No doubt some potion or powder will end up calling my name a few months hence.
