Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Noteworthy
– Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azbakan. Better, but still surprisingly like a book on tape for a man whose last movie featured a teenaged Mexican threesome. Why not kick it up a notch and let Oliver Stone direct the next one?
– Caffeine. According to my limited-English-speaking hairstylist, it’s supposed to be good for you now. And what better source could there be to consult? I do wish she wouldn’t get withdrawal shakes while she’s holding the scissors, though.
– Lockjaw. Do people still get this? Because if I remember my 8th grade health class correctly, I feel like I might have it. Of course, I also thought I had pleurisy, but even Rex Morgan, M.D., makes a mistake every now and then.
– The Tony Awards. Broadway’s one shot each year to scare the crap out of Middle America. If the cursing puppets don’t get Earl and Eunice from Iowa out to Times Square, I don’t know what will.
– Sushi. Despite all assurances to the contrary, I continue to not like it. Although I do enjoy wielding chopsticks and pretending I speak Japanese.
– Jennifer Lopez. Why isn’t anyone proposing a constitutional amendment to keep her from getting married? Or from living at all, frankly?
– Online Shopping. It’s frighteningly easy to lose all control and just start ordering Maya Angelou shot glasses on E-Bay. I tried to give them my credit card number at cnn.com the other day, just as a reflex.
– Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azbakan. Better, but still surprisingly like a book on tape for a man whose last movie featured a teenaged Mexican threesome. Why not kick it up a notch and let Oliver Stone direct the next one?
– Caffeine. According to my limited-English-speaking hairstylist, it’s supposed to be good for you now. And what better source could there be to consult? I do wish she wouldn’t get withdrawal shakes while she’s holding the scissors, though.
– Lockjaw. Do people still get this? Because if I remember my 8th grade health class correctly, I feel like I might have it. Of course, I also thought I had pleurisy, but even Rex Morgan, M.D., makes a mistake every now and then.
– The Tony Awards. Broadway’s one shot each year to scare the crap out of Middle America. If the cursing puppets don’t get Earl and Eunice from Iowa out to Times Square, I don’t know what will.
– Sushi. Despite all assurances to the contrary, I continue to not like it. Although I do enjoy wielding chopsticks and pretending I speak Japanese.
– Jennifer Lopez. Why isn’t anyone proposing a constitutional amendment to keep her from getting married? Or from living at all, frankly?
– Online Shopping. It’s frighteningly easy to lose all control and just start ordering Maya Angelou shot glasses on E-Bay. I tried to give them my credit card number at cnn.com the other day, just as a reflex.
