Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Work Can be Fun!!!!!!
Doing nothing is great, but let’s face it: unless your job title is “DMV employee” or “Paris Hilton,” you can’t get away with it on a regular basis. So you’re going to have to learn how to get the most out of life while wasting it on mind-numbing employment. To that end, I’ve compiled a list of amazing and delightful office pastimes:
– Handcrafting whimsical dolls out of paper clips, erasers, and post-it notes; pretending those dolls are the loved ones you never see.
– Studying coworkers’ behavior patterns for inclusion in your upcoming treatise on dementia and psychopathy.
– Expanding definition of “business casual” attire to include crop tops and Hammer pants.
– Customizing your cnn.com account to send you automatic updates on any Urkel-related news; waiting several thousand years.
– Thinking of tactful ways to explain to your boss that muttonchops are never coming back in style.
– Organizing automatic stapler races.
– Asking incoming job applicants to select an appliance they believe they would most like to be; announcing that their responses are “stupid” and “seriously deranged.”
– Loudly relating sexually explicit stories from your personal life to no one in particular in crowded elevators.
– Fitting the phrase “dead inside” into office small talk.
– Convincing yourself that they give out Pulitzer Prizes for memos; holding a brief award ceremony during which you forget to thank your mother.
– Contemplating how the details of the weekly staff meeting can be incorporated into the action comedy screenplay you’re planning to send to Vin Diesel.
– Answering the phone in different comical voices; analyzing how your own view of comedy differs from that of your boss.
– Concocting elaborate revenge fantasies involving fire ants and maple syrup.
Happy workdays!
Doing nothing is great, but let’s face it: unless your job title is “DMV employee” or “Paris Hilton,” you can’t get away with it on a regular basis. So you’re going to have to learn how to get the most out of life while wasting it on mind-numbing employment. To that end, I’ve compiled a list of amazing and delightful office pastimes:
– Handcrafting whimsical dolls out of paper clips, erasers, and post-it notes; pretending those dolls are the loved ones you never see.
– Studying coworkers’ behavior patterns for inclusion in your upcoming treatise on dementia and psychopathy.
– Expanding definition of “business casual” attire to include crop tops and Hammer pants.
– Customizing your cnn.com account to send you automatic updates on any Urkel-related news; waiting several thousand years.
– Thinking of tactful ways to explain to your boss that muttonchops are never coming back in style.
– Organizing automatic stapler races.
– Asking incoming job applicants to select an appliance they believe they would most like to be; announcing that their responses are “stupid” and “seriously deranged.”
– Loudly relating sexually explicit stories from your personal life to no one in particular in crowded elevators.
– Fitting the phrase “dead inside” into office small talk.
– Convincing yourself that they give out Pulitzer Prizes for memos; holding a brief award ceremony during which you forget to thank your mother.
– Contemplating how the details of the weekly staff meeting can be incorporated into the action comedy screenplay you’re planning to send to Vin Diesel.
– Answering the phone in different comical voices; analyzing how your own view of comedy differs from that of your boss.
– Concocting elaborate revenge fantasies involving fire ants and maple syrup.
Happy workdays!
