Friday, August 27, 2004
Deleted Scenes
We here at the blog project such a constant air of professionalism and put-togetherness that it’s easy, I think, for people to become intimidated by our unimpeachable perfection. But Gods though we may seem, we are only human, and we’ve made our share of mistakes. Here are some flat-out crazy entries that didn’t quite live up to our obviously sky-high standards:
You know what’s kind of funny? I don’t really believe in the concept of right and wrong. For instance, like how most people think it’s "wrong" to "kill people?" Yeah, I just don’t buy that at all. I mean, if someone starts getting mouthy at the DMV or cuts in front of you in the line at Dairy Queen, what else are you supposed to do? And I betcha Jesus had people whacked all the time . . .
There are so many reasons why Alex Trebek is awesome. First of all, he really knows how to wear a moustache. Big, bushy, seventies-style ‘stache, pencil-thin gigolo-style ‘stache, even a fine handlebar ‘stache—he can rock them all. Which is not to say that he’s not still stunning without his moustache; then it’s simply a sportier, more youthful look . . .
So I had a prostate exam the other day, and . . .
Making your own Beanie Babies is easy and fun! First, decide on a design for your special Baby by picking colorful and unique animals out of your grandfather’s latest issues of National Geographic. (Make sure he’s done with them first! And National Geographic Kids will do, too, in a pinch!) Don’t be afraid to pick a really wild animal you’ve never even heard of before—that’s part of the fun! Then, go to your local fabric store (I prefer Cloth World, but use your discretion) and have a sales associate there help you choose a high-quality felt that matches the colors of your chosen Baby. Don’t be afraid to call the manager if anyone starts using a condescending tone of voice with you . . .
If I had to pick a way to die, it sure wouldn’t be in a fire. I mean, I burned my hand trying to pick up a pancake from my hot plate the other day, and that hurt like heck. I imagine that burning to death is just like that, except all over your body instead of just on your hand, and you die from it instead of just putting your hand under some cold water. Of course, I wouldn’t want to drown, either, because I don’t even like drinking water that much. I barely even get my eight glasses a day, or however many the food pyramid says you need now . . .
We here at the blog project such a constant air of professionalism and put-togetherness that it’s easy, I think, for people to become intimidated by our unimpeachable perfection. But Gods though we may seem, we are only human, and we’ve made our share of mistakes. Here are some flat-out crazy entries that didn’t quite live up to our obviously sky-high standards:
You know what’s kind of funny? I don’t really believe in the concept of right and wrong. For instance, like how most people think it’s "wrong" to "kill people?" Yeah, I just don’t buy that at all. I mean, if someone starts getting mouthy at the DMV or cuts in front of you in the line at Dairy Queen, what else are you supposed to do? And I betcha Jesus had people whacked all the time . . .
There are so many reasons why Alex Trebek is awesome. First of all, he really knows how to wear a moustache. Big, bushy, seventies-style ‘stache, pencil-thin gigolo-style ‘stache, even a fine handlebar ‘stache—he can rock them all. Which is not to say that he’s not still stunning without his moustache; then it’s simply a sportier, more youthful look . . .
So I had a prostate exam the other day, and . . .
Making your own Beanie Babies is easy and fun! First, decide on a design for your special Baby by picking colorful and unique animals out of your grandfather’s latest issues of National Geographic. (Make sure he’s done with them first! And National Geographic Kids will do, too, in a pinch!) Don’t be afraid to pick a really wild animal you’ve never even heard of before—that’s part of the fun! Then, go to your local fabric store (I prefer Cloth World, but use your discretion) and have a sales associate there help you choose a high-quality felt that matches the colors of your chosen Baby. Don’t be afraid to call the manager if anyone starts using a condescending tone of voice with you . . .
If I had to pick a way to die, it sure wouldn’t be in a fire. I mean, I burned my hand trying to pick up a pancake from my hot plate the other day, and that hurt like heck. I imagine that burning to death is just like that, except all over your body instead of just on your hand, and you die from it instead of just putting your hand under some cold water. Of course, I wouldn’t want to drown, either, because I don’t even like drinking water that much. I barely even get my eight glasses a day, or however many the food pyramid says you need now . . .
