Tuesday, September 14, 2004
It’s Time for a Breakdown
Wondering where all the blog entries have been lately? Confused as to how exactly I must be spending my clearly ample free time if not on composing half-hearted jabs at Hilary Duff? Don’t worry, I haven’t been squandering my precious time on family, friends, or career advancement. Here’s a handy breakdown of my activities the past few weeks:
– Sending tear-stained letters to N*Sync in hopes of speeding along their inevitable reunion.
– Winning a free car on the Oprah show; meticulously buffing mysterious image of Stedman off of hood.
– Being civilly committed to the Cubs Fan ward at mental health clinic.
– Writing tell-all autobiography; becoming depressed upon realizing there is really nothing to tell.
– Losing pie-eating contest to Kirstie Alley.
– Losing fat-joke-writing contest to Kirstie Alley.
– Lying on my bed in the dark listening to "From a Distance" by Bette Midler and crying my eyes out.
– Self-medicating.
– Carefully mapping out plan for world domination; taking plan to Kinko’s for copies; giving up on plan due to shortage of goldenrod copier paper.
– Declaring things to be "the new" other things.
– Crocheting a sexy top for fall.
– Videotaping and minutely dissecting each and every episode of Trading Spouses, convinced it is in fact "the most important television program of our time."
– Discovering penicillin; flying into a rage when others mention it has, in fact, already been discovered.
But now that those things are out of the way, I can return to just being lazy and not having any good reason for not posting. Isn’t the status quo wonderful?
Wondering where all the blog entries have been lately? Confused as to how exactly I must be spending my clearly ample free time if not on composing half-hearted jabs at Hilary Duff? Don’t worry, I haven’t been squandering my precious time on family, friends, or career advancement. Here’s a handy breakdown of my activities the past few weeks:
– Sending tear-stained letters to N*Sync in hopes of speeding along their inevitable reunion.
– Winning a free car on the Oprah show; meticulously buffing mysterious image of Stedman off of hood.
– Being civilly committed to the Cubs Fan ward at mental health clinic.
– Writing tell-all autobiography; becoming depressed upon realizing there is really nothing to tell.
– Losing pie-eating contest to Kirstie Alley.
– Losing fat-joke-writing contest to Kirstie Alley.
– Lying on my bed in the dark listening to "From a Distance" by Bette Midler and crying my eyes out.
– Self-medicating.
– Carefully mapping out plan for world domination; taking plan to Kinko’s for copies; giving up on plan due to shortage of goldenrod copier paper.
– Declaring things to be "the new" other things.
– Crocheting a sexy top for fall.
– Videotaping and minutely dissecting each and every episode of Trading Spouses, convinced it is in fact "the most important television program of our time."
– Discovering penicillin; flying into a rage when others mention it has, in fact, already been discovered.
But now that those things are out of the way, I can return to just being lazy and not having any good reason for not posting. Isn’t the status quo wonderful?
