Wednesday, November 10, 2004
People I’d Like to Punch
– The entire staff and crew of E! News. And not just because that Giuliana woman looks like an alien. Also because after a certain point sucking up to the cast of TV’s Joey just becomes really disturbing.
– Anyone who regularly executes an Austin Powers impersonation. It is no longer 1997.
– That guy on the train yesterday who kept lecturing everyone about how they needed to move in and make room because there were a lot of people waiting on the platform. Thanks, bud, riding the train was really confusing for me there until you explained to me how it should be done.
– Al Roker.
– Every morning radio DJ in the history of time. I’m not exactly sure what gave them the idea that people would rather hear their Leno-lite musings than the latest hot chart from Xtina Xguilera, but they are sadly mistaken.
– People declare things to be "all that," "not all that," or worst of all "all that and a bag of chips."
– The management and staff of the Sports McDonald’s near my office, home of the half-hour wait and the nonsensical exhortatory sign created with a Commodore 64.
– Whoever came up with those awful cellular commercials where Joan Cusack bitches about how difficult it is to operate a phone.
– The creators of Us Weekly’s "stars . . . they’re just like us!" feature. Yeah, until I found out that Julia Roberts also sometimes shops for groceries I really worried that we might not be able to relate on a human level.
– The entire staff and crew of E! News. And not just because that Giuliana woman looks like an alien. Also because after a certain point sucking up to the cast of TV’s Joey just becomes really disturbing.
– Anyone who regularly executes an Austin Powers impersonation. It is no longer 1997.
– That guy on the train yesterday who kept lecturing everyone about how they needed to move in and make room because there were a lot of people waiting on the platform. Thanks, bud, riding the train was really confusing for me there until you explained to me how it should be done.
– Al Roker.
– Every morning radio DJ in the history of time. I’m not exactly sure what gave them the idea that people would rather hear their Leno-lite musings than the latest hot chart from Xtina Xguilera, but they are sadly mistaken.
– People declare things to be "all that," "not all that," or worst of all "all that and a bag of chips."
– The management and staff of the Sports McDonald’s near my office, home of the half-hour wait and the nonsensical exhortatory sign created with a Commodore 64.
– Whoever came up with those awful cellular commercials where Joan Cusack bitches about how difficult it is to operate a phone.
– The creators of Us Weekly’s "stars . . . they’re just like us!" feature. Yeah, until I found out that Julia Roberts also sometimes shops for groceries I really worried that we might not be able to relate on a human level.
