Monday, December 06, 2004
Pop Quiz
The blog has been around for nearly a year now (okay, ten months or so), and basically I think it's time for all of you to start proving your devotion. In lieu of human sacrifice, which quite frankly gets messy (and the cleaning lady doesn't come until next Monday), I've prepared the following quiz highlighting some of our favorite topics from the past. Please send your completed copies (and a SASE, natch) to:
Ridiculous Sham of a Quiz
123 Fake Street
Anytown, USA 12345
All right, here we go!
1. What celebrity did Jay once dream was his grandmother's roommate?
A. Edward James Olmos
B. Madonna
C. The Little Mermaid
D. Jared from the Subway commercials
2. What profession has Jay NOT seriously considered?
A. Dental secretary
B. Corrupt group home coordinator
C. Self-proclaimed Messiah
D. Janet Reno
3. Why shouldn't Jay have children?
A. They're generally not big drinkers.
B. He carries the rare "evil" gene.
C. He finds 101 Dalmations to be "over the top" with "weak characterizations."
D. They cost a fortune on the black market!
4. Which societal practice does Jay strongly censure?
A. Giving to UNICEF -- those kids are such damned whiners!
B. Selling Christ-related memorabilia on E-bay.
C. Excessive locker room nudity.
D. Kelly Ripa.
5. If towns A and B are 300 miles apart (and apparently 100 years in the past, when trains were still a relevant mode of transportation) and one train leaves each town heading for the other at 3 PM, one at 83 mph (or kilometers, what the hell!) and the other at 67, how much longer will Tara Reid be famous?
A. Five minutes.
B. Who?
C. As long as she keeps flashing people on red carpets.
D. It's a trick question. You don't bury survivors!
ESSAY: In 25,000 words or more, describe what Jay has meant to you. Extra points for use of the phrases "Christ-like," "good in bed," or "better than Oprah."
The blog has been around for nearly a year now (okay, ten months or so), and basically I think it's time for all of you to start proving your devotion. In lieu of human sacrifice, which quite frankly gets messy (and the cleaning lady doesn't come until next Monday), I've prepared the following quiz highlighting some of our favorite topics from the past. Please send your completed copies (and a SASE, natch) to:
Ridiculous Sham of a Quiz
123 Fake Street
Anytown, USA 12345
All right, here we go!
1. What celebrity did Jay once dream was his grandmother's roommate?
A. Edward James Olmos
B. Madonna
C. The Little Mermaid
D. Jared from the Subway commercials
2. What profession has Jay NOT seriously considered?
A. Dental secretary
B. Corrupt group home coordinator
C. Self-proclaimed Messiah
D. Janet Reno
3. Why shouldn't Jay have children?
A. They're generally not big drinkers.
B. He carries the rare "evil" gene.
C. He finds 101 Dalmations to be "over the top" with "weak characterizations."
D. They cost a fortune on the black market!
4. Which societal practice does Jay strongly censure?
A. Giving to UNICEF -- those kids are such damned whiners!
B. Selling Christ-related memorabilia on E-bay.
C. Excessive locker room nudity.
D. Kelly Ripa.
5. If towns A and B are 300 miles apart (and apparently 100 years in the past, when trains were still a relevant mode of transportation) and one train leaves each town heading for the other at 3 PM, one at 83 mph (or kilometers, what the hell!) and the other at 67, how much longer will Tara Reid be famous?
A. Five minutes.
B. Who?
C. As long as she keeps flashing people on red carpets.
D. It's a trick question. You don't bury survivors!
ESSAY: In 25,000 words or more, describe what Jay has meant to you. Extra points for use of the phrases "Christ-like," "good in bed," or "better than Oprah."
