Friday, December 31, 2004
The Year In Review
Every year, the last few weeks of the year provide a great opportunity for writers and editors everywhere to collectively shirk their duties to do actual reporting and creative thinking and instead phone-in rehashed "retrospectives" of the fifty or so preceeding weeks when fresh content is created. Of course, this year a certain horrific natural disaster is keeping the Wolf Blitzers and Connie Chungs in the newsroom and away from their annual new year's orgy, but we've never exactly been "hard news" here at the blog (unless stories about the Olsens count), so I'm going to go ahead and reduce, reuse, and recycle my heart out.
January: The blog doesn't exist yet, so probably nothing much really happens. I can't think of anything. Chances are there's some snow.
February: The third installment of the Lord of the Rings series walks off with a whole bunch of Oscars. Strangely, no one asks for them to be returned. I start the blog, and no one cares. That position is pretty steadfastly maintained into the present.
March: John Kerry locks up the Democratic presidential nomination, running on a platform of incoherent rhetoric and craggy facial features. Meanwhile, at the blog, posts alternate between analysis of the great books of the world and discussion of the weird things the lady who cuts my hair does.
April: A California grand jury indicts Michael Jackson on child molestation charges, shocking an American public that was pretty convinced he'd already been indicted on those charges a while back. But Thriller remains a classic.
May: The series finale of Friends airs. The nation enters a monthlong period of mourning, complete with wailing, gnashing of teeth, and rending of garments.
June: Former President Reagan dies, and apparently it is the most important thing that has ever, ever happened. I get the day off to mourn, and spend it drinking and watching porn.
July: A Senate report reveals that the CIA massively overstated the threat of weapons of mass distruction in Iraq. Later, it turns out the CIA is also responsible for overstating the viability of Lindsay Lohan's recording career.
August: America gets Olympic Fever, which is a lot like malaria, but less deadly.
September: A lot of news happens, to be frank, but around here, September 2004 will always be known as the month of the parasite.
October: The Red Socks win the world series. Cub fans seize the opportunity to descend further into self hatred.
November: The election happens, and I avoid talking about it at all costs, instead expressing myself through the consumption of alcohol.
December: Christmas. The only thing that ever happens in December is Christmas. Oh, and a horrible natural disaster, but again, we're not a "hard news" site.
Every year, the last few weeks of the year provide a great opportunity for writers and editors everywhere to collectively shirk their duties to do actual reporting and creative thinking and instead phone-in rehashed "retrospectives" of the fifty or so preceeding weeks when fresh content is created. Of course, this year a certain horrific natural disaster is keeping the Wolf Blitzers and Connie Chungs in the newsroom and away from their annual new year's orgy, but we've never exactly been "hard news" here at the blog (unless stories about the Olsens count), so I'm going to go ahead and reduce, reuse, and recycle my heart out.
January: The blog doesn't exist yet, so probably nothing much really happens. I can't think of anything. Chances are there's some snow.
February: The third installment of the Lord of the Rings series walks off with a whole bunch of Oscars. Strangely, no one asks for them to be returned. I start the blog, and no one cares. That position is pretty steadfastly maintained into the present.
March: John Kerry locks up the Democratic presidential nomination, running on a platform of incoherent rhetoric and craggy facial features. Meanwhile, at the blog, posts alternate between analysis of the great books of the world and discussion of the weird things the lady who cuts my hair does.
April: A California grand jury indicts Michael Jackson on child molestation charges, shocking an American public that was pretty convinced he'd already been indicted on those charges a while back. But Thriller remains a classic.
May: The series finale of Friends airs. The nation enters a monthlong period of mourning, complete with wailing, gnashing of teeth, and rending of garments.
June: Former President Reagan dies, and apparently it is the most important thing that has ever, ever happened. I get the day off to mourn, and spend it drinking and watching porn.
July: A Senate report reveals that the CIA massively overstated the threat of weapons of mass distruction in Iraq. Later, it turns out the CIA is also responsible for overstating the viability of Lindsay Lohan's recording career.
August: America gets Olympic Fever, which is a lot like malaria, but less deadly.
September: A lot of news happens, to be frank, but around here, September 2004 will always be known as the month of the parasite.
October: The Red Socks win the world series. Cub fans seize the opportunity to descend further into self hatred.
November: The election happens, and I avoid talking about it at all costs, instead expressing myself through the consumption of alcohol.
December: Christmas. The only thing that ever happens in December is Christmas. Oh, and a horrible natural disaster, but again, we're not a "hard news" site.
