Monday, January 17, 2005
Inappropriate Ways to Observe Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Day
-- Sleeping until noon; masturbating to scrambled porn.
-- Holding family meeting to repeal all the Jim Crow laws you passed.
-- Refusing to sit in the back of your Volkswagen Minibus.
-- Wondering aloud if Dr. King was related to Don King; observing that this would be "outrageous, contageous, and civilrightslacious."
-- Organizing group boycott of the Arby's that fired you for stealing Horsey Sauce.
-- Announcing that you, too, "have a dream," but in yours you get naked with the cast of The Golden Girls.
-- Holding "candlelight vigil" outside J.Lo's house; that's really still just stalking.
-- Telling no one in particular that you really liked Amistad.
-- Marrying Liza Minnelli.
-- Sleeping until noon; masturbating to scrambled porn.
-- Holding family meeting to repeal all the Jim Crow laws you passed.
-- Refusing to sit in the back of your Volkswagen Minibus.
-- Wondering aloud if Dr. King was related to Don King; observing that this would be "outrageous, contageous, and civilrightslacious."
-- Organizing group boycott of the Arby's that fired you for stealing Horsey Sauce.
-- Announcing that you, too, "have a dream," but in yours you get naked with the cast of The Golden Girls.
-- Holding "candlelight vigil" outside J.Lo's house; that's really still just stalking.
-- Telling no one in particular that you really liked Amistad.
-- Marrying Liza Minnelli.
