Sunday, January 02, 2005
The Worst of 2004
The Swan -- Because the only thing more fun than giving women radical reconstructive surgery is telling them they're still ugly afterwards.
Britney's Wedding -- Yes, it was the trashiest affair imaginable, matching track suits and all. But what really upsets me is that I wasn't invited.
Paris Hilton -- Amateur porn aside, it's just really difficult to conceive of a reason for her existence. Unless it's to be hated. All right, carry on.
Cousin Pam on The Cosby Show -- I realize it hasn't been on the air for a decade, but man, did that show start to suck once she was on it.
The Chicago Winter -- You know how the ancient Egyptians used to embalm people by pulling their brains out through their noses? Winter in Chicago is kind of like that.
The Lighting Fixtures in my Building -- I spent a week crashing around in the dark before I could figure out how to open one of them, and another one I accidentally shattered. There's a bad lightbulb changing joke in here somewhere, but chances are I've already made it.
Surviving Christmas -- Like most of America, I haven't actually seen it, but I really wanted the opportunity to make fun of Ben Affleck. Have you noticed that he's fat? That is all.
The Swan -- Because the only thing more fun than giving women radical reconstructive surgery is telling them they're still ugly afterwards.
Britney's Wedding -- Yes, it was the trashiest affair imaginable, matching track suits and all. But what really upsets me is that I wasn't invited.
Paris Hilton -- Amateur porn aside, it's just really difficult to conceive of a reason for her existence. Unless it's to be hated. All right, carry on.
Cousin Pam on The Cosby Show -- I realize it hasn't been on the air for a decade, but man, did that show start to suck once she was on it.
The Chicago Winter -- You know how the ancient Egyptians used to embalm people by pulling their brains out through their noses? Winter in Chicago is kind of like that.
The Lighting Fixtures in my Building -- I spent a week crashing around in the dark before I could figure out how to open one of them, and another one I accidentally shattered. There's a bad lightbulb changing joke in here somewhere, but chances are I've already made it.
Surviving Christmas -- Like most of America, I haven't actually seen it, but I really wanted the opportunity to make fun of Ben Affleck. Have you noticed that he's fat? That is all.
