Saturday, March 12, 2005
The Glitz, The Glamour
Here is a stunning paparrazzi grab of me with my friend Halley at her Oscar party. Now I'm going to go all Highlights Magazine for Children on your ass and ask you to pick out the several things that are wrong with this picture.
Are you ready? Sometimes it helps if you hold it upside down.
Okay, first we need to note the lovely soft-focus glaze that permeates the image. It looks like Halley and I are conducting a Barbara Walters special on that couch. Any moment now she's going to ask me about the tragic death of my first cousin Gladys. Then we'll have a cleansing cry.
Also, I am wearing my glasses! This is the first appearance of my glasses on the blog. Whenever you see them, you will know that I am A) very, very tired, B) hungover, or C) trying to look like your Sophomore English professor. Any combination of the three is also possible.
Third, this is yet another picture in which I am hugging someone. A concerned reader wrote in this week to note that in practically every picture I post here I seem to be molesting some poor creature far too attractive to even be seen with me. What can I say? I am a friendly person. And all of the lawsuits were settled out of court.
And if you look very, very closely at this picture, you will see that I am insane in it. A total of about six hours' sleep went into the weekend this picture was taken. Immediately after taking this, I began speaking in tongues and then ate my hat. Wool is delicious.
Don't you feel like you know me so much better now that you see photos of me every now and then? I didn't say that was a good thing.
Here is a stunning paparrazzi grab of me with my friend Halley at her Oscar party. Now I'm going to go all Highlights Magazine for Children on your ass and ask you to pick out the several things that are wrong with this picture.
Are you ready? Sometimes it helps if you hold it upside down.
Okay, first we need to note the lovely soft-focus glaze that permeates the image. It looks like Halley and I are conducting a Barbara Walters special on that couch. Any moment now she's going to ask me about the tragic death of my first cousin Gladys. Then we'll have a cleansing cry.
Also, I am wearing my glasses! This is the first appearance of my glasses on the blog. Whenever you see them, you will know that I am A) very, very tired, B) hungover, or C) trying to look like your Sophomore English professor. Any combination of the three is also possible.
Third, this is yet another picture in which I am hugging someone. A concerned reader wrote in this week to note that in practically every picture I post here I seem to be molesting some poor creature far too attractive to even be seen with me. What can I say? I am a friendly person. And all of the lawsuits were settled out of court.
And if you look very, very closely at this picture, you will see that I am insane in it. A total of about six hours' sleep went into the weekend this picture was taken. Immediately after taking this, I began speaking in tongues and then ate my hat. Wool is delicious.
Don't you feel like you know me so much better now that you see photos of me every now and then? I didn't say that was a good thing.
