Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Thinking Inside the Box
Last night my friend invited me to his parents’ box at the Bulls game. This was awesome for many reasons. First of all, I got to eat like a million hot dogs at no expense to myself whatsoever. And the good kind of hot dog that actually tastes like meat instead of plastic and entrails, and is therefore nearly certain to not cause you some sort of crippling intestinal disorder. Secondly, they have an amazing dessert cart where they combine foods that are delicious but terrible for you with impunity – it’s just a few steps removed from chocolate-covered bacon and caramel cheese fries. And oh yeah, there was the game, which was Harlem-Globetrotters-type awesome in the first half and donkey-basketball-type embarrassing in the second. If you’re going to be a sports fan in Chicago, it really helps to be bipolar.
A few other points merit further discussion.
First, after witnessing a few preteens in tight tank tops and strategically-ripped jeans, my friend somehow transformed into my 93-year-old grandmother and began lamenting the "trashy" way kids dress these days. Although I have to agree that choosing to bare one’s midriff in March in Chicago is slightly suspect (unless one really, really wants to get frostbite), I’m not quite ready to get out the stake and start burning these harlots yet. But give me time.
Secondly, the entertainment at these games is awesome! Little kids break dancing, people in inflatable costumes ineffectually trying to race various places, women in skin-tight outfits basically simulating sex while maintaining inverted pyramid formations – why there’s not a Nobel Prize for halftime shows, I’ll never know. I do wonder if the Adorabulls have dental benefits, though.
And finally, people are damned mean to service professionals. Is it just me, or is it not appropriate to berate someone for twenty minutes just because you don’t think you’ve got enough ice? Or to make a person run all the way around the arena just to see if they can find you a different kind of cheesecake?
There are a lot of things going on in this beautiful mind of mine.
Last night my friend invited me to his parents’ box at the Bulls game. This was awesome for many reasons. First of all, I got to eat like a million hot dogs at no expense to myself whatsoever. And the good kind of hot dog that actually tastes like meat instead of plastic and entrails, and is therefore nearly certain to not cause you some sort of crippling intestinal disorder. Secondly, they have an amazing dessert cart where they combine foods that are delicious but terrible for you with impunity – it’s just a few steps removed from chocolate-covered bacon and caramel cheese fries. And oh yeah, there was the game, which was Harlem-Globetrotters-type awesome in the first half and donkey-basketball-type embarrassing in the second. If you’re going to be a sports fan in Chicago, it really helps to be bipolar.
A few other points merit further discussion.
First, after witnessing a few preteens in tight tank tops and strategically-ripped jeans, my friend somehow transformed into my 93-year-old grandmother and began lamenting the "trashy" way kids dress these days. Although I have to agree that choosing to bare one’s midriff in March in Chicago is slightly suspect (unless one really, really wants to get frostbite), I’m not quite ready to get out the stake and start burning these harlots yet. But give me time.
Secondly, the entertainment at these games is awesome! Little kids break dancing, people in inflatable costumes ineffectually trying to race various places, women in skin-tight outfits basically simulating sex while maintaining inverted pyramid formations – why there’s not a Nobel Prize for halftime shows, I’ll never know. I do wonder if the Adorabulls have dental benefits, though.
And finally, people are damned mean to service professionals. Is it just me, or is it not appropriate to berate someone for twenty minutes just because you don’t think you’ve got enough ice? Or to make a person run all the way around the arena just to see if they can find you a different kind of cheesecake?
There are a lot of things going on in this beautiful mind of mine.
