Monday, April 11, 2005
Complaint Department
Let’s start with all those fun people who don’t think the leash laws apply to them. Yesterday, on my way home from a run, I was charged Hound-of-the-Baskervilles style by an enormous Doberman. As I resisted the temporary urge to flee shrieking like a five-year-old girl, a rotund gentleman nearby cheerfully assured me that I "shouldn’t worry," because this was a "good dog." And while that’s pleasant to remember as one’s larynx is being ripped out, I don’t think you’ll necessarily find the "good dog" exemption listed in the city ordinances. Honestly, I don’t care if your dog is running up to me because it’s planning to give me money, it’s still not supposed to be off of the leash. Think of it as a practical extension of your already active sadomasochistic lifestyle.
And today I lost a page of typically irreplaceable prose when a fuse went out at work and cut power to three of our computers. This has happened before, but typically when I was running a space heater and/or stereo and/or blender along with my computer. Today I was morally blameless. Not that this mattered to our maintenance people, who took the same "mechanical problems as punishments for sin" approach that has so far served them so well. I had to say five Hail Marys before they’d turn the power back on.
And those GEICO commercials? Man, I really hate those.
Let’s start with all those fun people who don’t think the leash laws apply to them. Yesterday, on my way home from a run, I was charged Hound-of-the-Baskervilles style by an enormous Doberman. As I resisted the temporary urge to flee shrieking like a five-year-old girl, a rotund gentleman nearby cheerfully assured me that I "shouldn’t worry," because this was a "good dog." And while that’s pleasant to remember as one’s larynx is being ripped out, I don’t think you’ll necessarily find the "good dog" exemption listed in the city ordinances. Honestly, I don’t care if your dog is running up to me because it’s planning to give me money, it’s still not supposed to be off of the leash. Think of it as a practical extension of your already active sadomasochistic lifestyle.
And today I lost a page of typically irreplaceable prose when a fuse went out at work and cut power to three of our computers. This has happened before, but typically when I was running a space heater and/or stereo and/or blender along with my computer. Today I was morally blameless. Not that this mattered to our maintenance people, who took the same "mechanical problems as punishments for sin" approach that has so far served them so well. I had to say five Hail Marys before they’d turn the power back on.
And those GEICO commercials? Man, I really hate those.
