Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Help Wanted
Yesterday my boss called a last-minute end-of-day staff meeting. Typically, our meetings are scheduled weeks in advance and involve going around the table and talking about our feelings; it’s only when there’s something really serious like a bomb threat or a group stoning that we get the last-minute treatment. So I went into this meeting fully expecting to be subjected to an intervention for my caffeine addiction or an impromptu firing for my habit of unintentionally listening to music with dirty words in it at the office. (I’m looking at you, Outkast.) What I was not expecting, however, was for my boss to announce that she would be leaving.
The thing is, I actually really like my boss. Sure, I don’t really know what to say when she starts talking about her kids and I’m scared to make any jokes that wouldn’t be appropriate on ABC Family when I’m around her, but she’s a really nice person. And she lets us take sick time without getting a doctor’s note and she gives us "flex time" in the summer so we can have three-day weekends. I mean, what if my new boss is some horrible work nazi who watches when I get in in the morning and actually holds me accountable when I screw up? See, it took about five minutes for me to make this whole thing about me.
So I’ve decided that they should let me pick the new supervisor here. I’ll conduct a full interview process, complete with questions about which appliance or tree candidates would like to be, karaoke renditions of ‘70s pop classics of the candidates’ choice, and of course the swimsuit competition. Basically, I’m looking for someone pretty but somewhat brain damaged with a really good laugh. Oh, and he or she should watch Lost. And have a pony! You know what? I’ll get back to you with a full list of demands.
Yesterday my boss called a last-minute end-of-day staff meeting. Typically, our meetings are scheduled weeks in advance and involve going around the table and talking about our feelings; it’s only when there’s something really serious like a bomb threat or a group stoning that we get the last-minute treatment. So I went into this meeting fully expecting to be subjected to an intervention for my caffeine addiction or an impromptu firing for my habit of unintentionally listening to music with dirty words in it at the office. (I’m looking at you, Outkast.) What I was not expecting, however, was for my boss to announce that she would be leaving.
The thing is, I actually really like my boss. Sure, I don’t really know what to say when she starts talking about her kids and I’m scared to make any jokes that wouldn’t be appropriate on ABC Family when I’m around her, but she’s a really nice person. And she lets us take sick time without getting a doctor’s note and she gives us "flex time" in the summer so we can have three-day weekends. I mean, what if my new boss is some horrible work nazi who watches when I get in in the morning and actually holds me accountable when I screw up? See, it took about five minutes for me to make this whole thing about me.
So I’ve decided that they should let me pick the new supervisor here. I’ll conduct a full interview process, complete with questions about which appliance or tree candidates would like to be, karaoke renditions of ‘70s pop classics of the candidates’ choice, and of course the swimsuit competition. Basically, I’m looking for someone pretty but somewhat brain damaged with a really good laugh. Oh, and he or she should watch Lost. And have a pony! You know what? I’ll get back to you with a full list of demands.
