Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Newfound Advantages of Living Alone
-- Sole custody of rabid pigeons living on my back porch.
-- Ability to conceal my lifelong crush on James Earl Jones.
-- More rehearsal space for my Christian Feminist sketch comedy group, HerStory.
-- More room for bitches and hos.
-- All the two-year-old cans of tuna in our cabinets are finally mine!
-- Easier to entertain in case Oprah stops by.
-- Now I officially have no one to blame for my crushing unhappiness but myself!
-- Hallucinations are far more vivid when uninterrupted by visitors from the so-called "real world."
-- No one to complain when I land my magic gold-plated invisible helicopter on the roof.
-- Naked Tuesdays.
-- Now I grout the tub for me and me alone.
-- No more of those exhausting weekly four-course formal roommate dinners.
-- Valuable white board space once devoted to parsing power bills can now be sold to advertisers. Like Domino's Pizza, home of the amazing new Cheeseburger Pizza!
-- Sole custody of rabid pigeons living on my back porch.
-- Ability to conceal my lifelong crush on James Earl Jones.
-- More rehearsal space for my Christian Feminist sketch comedy group, HerStory.
-- More room for bitches and hos.
-- All the two-year-old cans of tuna in our cabinets are finally mine!
-- Easier to entertain in case Oprah stops by.
-- Now I officially have no one to blame for my crushing unhappiness but myself!
-- Hallucinations are far more vivid when uninterrupted by visitors from the so-called "real world."
-- No one to complain when I land my magic gold-plated invisible helicopter on the roof.
-- Naked Tuesdays.
-- Now I grout the tub for me and me alone.
-- No more of those exhausting weekly four-course formal roommate dinners.
-- Valuable white board space once devoted to parsing power bills can now be sold to advertisers. Like Domino's Pizza, home of the amazing new Cheeseburger Pizza!
