Monday, May 16, 2005
Department of Tourism
There’s a weird enjoyment to be had, I think, in playing the tour guide for out of town visitors. First of all, you can totally lie to them, since they’re not really going to know that the Sears tower isn’t actually built entirely out of recycled materials or that the Batman movies weren’t technically filmed at your home. Secondly, it serves as a clearinghouse for all kinds of true but totally useless information that can cause waxy buildup in your head if not periodically disseminated. Face it, nobody in your everyday life wants to hear all those facts about the great Chicago fire you picked up at the Historical Society, so you might as well inflict them on visitors. Go ahead and use a tour guide voice and walk backwards while gesturing at things, if you like.
But I think the best thing about entertaining guests is that you get to go to all the places that actual city residents generally avoid like Kim Cattrall at a Sex & The City reunion. You can indulge your secret fantasy of riding the Ferris wheel and eating a $6 hot dog at Navy Pier, stand in line for seven hours to buy a cheap tube top at H & M, and even enjoy the bewitching combination of surly waitstaff and fatty foods in enormous portions that only The Cheesecake Factory can provide. Such extravagance is not justifiable unless you’re celebrating an occasion.
This weekend, though, I took a more casual route. I did end up taking my friends to the zoo, where the animals were on extra perky and cute mode, as though flying in the face of that institution’s recent mortality rate, but mainly we just enjoyed the nice weather and the ample array of food and drink available in this city. Oh, and walked about nine thousand miles, resulting in some women’s-footwear-induced injuries for my friend Jodi and a minor Sunday afternoon coma for myself, but no permanent damage.
Really, don’t you think that ought to be our new tourism slogan? Chicago: No Permanent Damage.
There’s a weird enjoyment to be had, I think, in playing the tour guide for out of town visitors. First of all, you can totally lie to them, since they’re not really going to know that the Sears tower isn’t actually built entirely out of recycled materials or that the Batman movies weren’t technically filmed at your home. Secondly, it serves as a clearinghouse for all kinds of true but totally useless information that can cause waxy buildup in your head if not periodically disseminated. Face it, nobody in your everyday life wants to hear all those facts about the great Chicago fire you picked up at the Historical Society, so you might as well inflict them on visitors. Go ahead and use a tour guide voice and walk backwards while gesturing at things, if you like.
But I think the best thing about entertaining guests is that you get to go to all the places that actual city residents generally avoid like Kim Cattrall at a Sex & The City reunion. You can indulge your secret fantasy of riding the Ferris wheel and eating a $6 hot dog at Navy Pier, stand in line for seven hours to buy a cheap tube top at H & M, and even enjoy the bewitching combination of surly waitstaff and fatty foods in enormous portions that only The Cheesecake Factory can provide. Such extravagance is not justifiable unless you’re celebrating an occasion.
This weekend, though, I took a more casual route. I did end up taking my friends to the zoo, where the animals were on extra perky and cute mode, as though flying in the face of that institution’s recent mortality rate, but mainly we just enjoyed the nice weather and the ample array of food and drink available in this city. Oh, and walked about nine thousand miles, resulting in some women’s-footwear-induced injuries for my friend Jodi and a minor Sunday afternoon coma for myself, but no permanent damage.
Really, don’t you think that ought to be our new tourism slogan? Chicago: No Permanent Damage.
