Saturday, May 07, 2005
For Mother
Listen, I know you're busy. But can't you take a little time out this Mother's Day to remember all the wonderful things your mother has done for you this year?
-- Campaigned against local ballot initiative banning you from all Payless Shoe Stores.
-- Supported your bid to become first African-American male to serve as Miss Teen USA.
-- Attended premiere of your independent film "Shouts and Weeping."
-- Finally bought you that Barbie Dream House.
-- Wrote letter to Ann Landers seeking help with your bed wetting problem.
-- Liberated the Iraqi people.
-- Submitted personal ad on your behalf to Leather Daddy Magazine.
-- Placed conciliatory phone call to mothers of mean girls who called you "Fatty McPizzaface."
-- Laughed at your Terri Schiavo jokes even if it was too soon.
-- Agreed with you that Million Dollar Baby "sucked."
-- Helped you memorize the state capitals for that geography quiz.
-- Got drunk and disinherited your sister.
Thanks to all those mothers out there!
Listen, I know you're busy. But can't you take a little time out this Mother's Day to remember all the wonderful things your mother has done for you this year?
-- Campaigned against local ballot initiative banning you from all Payless Shoe Stores.
-- Supported your bid to become first African-American male to serve as Miss Teen USA.
-- Attended premiere of your independent film "Shouts and Weeping."
-- Finally bought you that Barbie Dream House.
-- Wrote letter to Ann Landers seeking help with your bed wetting problem.
-- Liberated the Iraqi people.
-- Submitted personal ad on your behalf to Leather Daddy Magazine.
-- Placed conciliatory phone call to mothers of mean girls who called you "Fatty McPizzaface."
-- Laughed at your Terri Schiavo jokes even if it was too soon.
-- Agreed with you that Million Dollar Baby "sucked."
-- Helped you memorize the state capitals for that geography quiz.
-- Got drunk and disinherited your sister.
Thanks to all those mothers out there!
