Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Swept Away
May Sweeps are upon us. Here’s a preview of some hott new developments on all of your favorite shows!
According to Jim. Jim’s wife leaves him after realizing that she is, in fact, far too attractive to be married to someone so grossly overweight. In the ensuing nervous breakdown, Jim goes medieval on a Dairy Queen, with hilarious results.
Desperate Housewives. Teri Hatcher literally jumps a shark. Co-stars quarrel over how much Hatcher was paid for the jump and whether they could have provided a faster or higher jump.
Everybody Loves Raymond. In a shocking development, we learn that one Ned McKinley, a tax preparer from Topeka, Kansas, does not in fact love Raymond.
Fear Factor. People eat things they normally would not and vomit. Plus, twins in bikinis.
Joey. Joey takes his own life after realizing that none of his "friends" are ever going to come and visit him.
Law & Order. D.A. Jack McCoy is finally crushed under the weight of his own eyebrows. On the other side of the country, noted attorney Sandy Cohen is said to be "saddened and a little afraid."
Lost. Creator J.J. Abrams admits he "just made all this spooky crap up" and "has no idea what it all means," since he "never figured there would be more than three episodes." Then he runs.
The OC. Desperate for a way to shock people now that her February sweeps flirtation with lesbianism has passed, Marissa takes on half the water polo team, her cousin Carissa (guest star Tori Spelling), and a Shetland pony named Walter.
Oprah. It turns out the real Oprah was killed in a tragic eyeliner accident some three years ago; present-day Oprah is merely a lifelike robot.
Two and a Half Men. Police discover the half man buried in a shallow grave behind the Sheen residence; Denise Richards immediately sues for custody.
May Sweeps are upon us. Here’s a preview of some hott new developments on all of your favorite shows!
According to Jim. Jim’s wife leaves him after realizing that she is, in fact, far too attractive to be married to someone so grossly overweight. In the ensuing nervous breakdown, Jim goes medieval on a Dairy Queen, with hilarious results.
Desperate Housewives. Teri Hatcher literally jumps a shark. Co-stars quarrel over how much Hatcher was paid for the jump and whether they could have provided a faster or higher jump.
Everybody Loves Raymond. In a shocking development, we learn that one Ned McKinley, a tax preparer from Topeka, Kansas, does not in fact love Raymond.
Fear Factor. People eat things they normally would not and vomit. Plus, twins in bikinis.
Joey. Joey takes his own life after realizing that none of his "friends" are ever going to come and visit him.
Law & Order. D.A. Jack McCoy is finally crushed under the weight of his own eyebrows. On the other side of the country, noted attorney Sandy Cohen is said to be "saddened and a little afraid."
Lost. Creator J.J. Abrams admits he "just made all this spooky crap up" and "has no idea what it all means," since he "never figured there would be more than three episodes." Then he runs.
The OC. Desperate for a way to shock people now that her February sweeps flirtation with lesbianism has passed, Marissa takes on half the water polo team, her cousin Carissa (guest star Tori Spelling), and a Shetland pony named Walter.
Oprah. It turns out the real Oprah was killed in a tragic eyeliner accident some three years ago; present-day Oprah is merely a lifelike robot.
Two and a Half Men. Police discover the half man buried in a shallow grave behind the Sheen residence; Denise Richards immediately sues for custody.
