Monday, June 20, 2005
Don’t Forget to Tip Your Servers on Your Way Out
Today I was in an elevator with a man who apparently believed he was Jerry Seinfeld.
"Have you ever noticed how some of these elevators have rows of three and others have rows of four?" he asked, to no one in particular. "What is the deal with that? Are they just trying to fuck with blind people, or what? It’s like, hey, Helen Keller, don’t use our elevators."
Apparently taking the stunned, unblinking silence for an enthusiastic reception at the Laff Factory, he continued.
"And what about that elevator down on the East end of the building, huh? It’s always lurching around. I feel like I’m on Body Wars at Disney World."
This was followed by a brief foray into insult humor.
"This guy loves it, though. He’s like, hey, I haven’t had this much action since my third wife left me. Nah, hey, I’m just kidding here, buddy."
And I silently prayed for the cables to snap.
Today I was in an elevator with a man who apparently believed he was Jerry Seinfeld.
"Have you ever noticed how some of these elevators have rows of three and others have rows of four?" he asked, to no one in particular. "What is the deal with that? Are they just trying to fuck with blind people, or what? It’s like, hey, Helen Keller, don’t use our elevators."
Apparently taking the stunned, unblinking silence for an enthusiastic reception at the Laff Factory, he continued.
"And what about that elevator down on the East end of the building, huh? It’s always lurching around. I feel like I’m on Body Wars at Disney World."
This was followed by a brief foray into insult humor.
"This guy loves it, though. He’s like, hey, I haven’t had this much action since my third wife left me. Nah, hey, I’m just kidding here, buddy."
And I silently prayed for the cables to snap.
