Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Tips to "Beat the Heat" This Summer
– If you do not have air conditioning at home, consider hanging out at Best Buy all day. They really love that.
– For a cool summer treat, eat an entire gallon of Ben & Jerry’s "Chunky Moneky" ice cream. Then sit back and let the self loathing begin.
– Dizziness, disorientation, and a rapid heart beat are all symptoms of heat stroke. Of course, they are also symptoms of having just met Jake Gyllenhaal, so self-diagnose carefully.
– Fanning yourself repeatedly with whatever tiny piece of paper you happen to be holding is a great way to indulge your compulsive tendencies without actually making yourself any cooler. Plus, the other people on the train will really love it.
– Make sure to ask as many people as possible if it is "hot enough for them" while you still have the chance.
– Light and breezy though it may be, a leopard print thong is not considered business casual.
– The heat may be especially hard on small children and the elderly; be careful not to trip over their corpses as you stumble home from the strip club.
– The song "The Heat is On" by Glenn Frey is actually a delicious treat any time of year.
– Avoid strong exertion of extremely hot days, such as running, yard work, or sitting through an entire episode of According to Jim.
– If you do not have air conditioning at home, consider hanging out at Best Buy all day. They really love that.
– For a cool summer treat, eat an entire gallon of Ben & Jerry’s "Chunky Moneky" ice cream. Then sit back and let the self loathing begin.
– Dizziness, disorientation, and a rapid heart beat are all symptoms of heat stroke. Of course, they are also symptoms of having just met Jake Gyllenhaal, so self-diagnose carefully.
– Fanning yourself repeatedly with whatever tiny piece of paper you happen to be holding is a great way to indulge your compulsive tendencies without actually making yourself any cooler. Plus, the other people on the train will really love it.
– Make sure to ask as many people as possible if it is "hot enough for them" while you still have the chance.
– Light and breezy though it may be, a leopard print thong is not considered business casual.
– The heat may be especially hard on small children and the elderly; be careful not to trip over their corpses as you stumble home from the strip club.
– The song "The Heat is On" by Glenn Frey is actually a delicious treat any time of year.
– Avoid strong exertion of extremely hot days, such as running, yard work, or sitting through an entire episode of According to Jim.
