Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The Eyes Have It
I went to the optometrist today. I always kind of enjoy it, to be frank. I get the most shameful sense of satisfaction from all my little victories reading the eye charts. Every time I successfully identify which way the "E" is pointing, I feel like I just won the lottery. I feel the same way about answering medical history questions. Any history of eye disease in my family? Not on your life! Any allergies to medications? Allergies are for losers, man! I always feel like I should get a little printout with my score on it afterwards.
I'll never forget the first time I found out I needed glasses. It was on vision and hearing screening day in seventh grade. That was always my favorite screening day, although to be fair lice screening day didn't put up much of a fight. We got excused from health class one at a time to go take the test. (This was the most exciting thing we ever did during health class, except for our sex ed day, which involved our teacher embarrassedly putting in a videotape featuring the star of Broadway's Annie.) I looked down into the binocular-type things that passed for vision screeners in the rural public schools of yesteryear (and probably still do, most likely), and for the first time could not identify which way the clown was pointing. I was incredulous. How could I need glasses? I was so cool! I tight rolled my jeans and wore my Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts with the best of them! And yet, there I was. The best I could hope for was some frames from the Jordache collection.
Anyway, I've got soft contacts now, and I love them. Because all of you totally cared. I asked if I could get a pair of red tinted ones, just to lighten things up around the office, but the answer seemed to be a rather firm no.
I went to the optometrist today. I always kind of enjoy it, to be frank. I get the most shameful sense of satisfaction from all my little victories reading the eye charts. Every time I successfully identify which way the "E" is pointing, I feel like I just won the lottery. I feel the same way about answering medical history questions. Any history of eye disease in my family? Not on your life! Any allergies to medications? Allergies are for losers, man! I always feel like I should get a little printout with my score on it afterwards.
I'll never forget the first time I found out I needed glasses. It was on vision and hearing screening day in seventh grade. That was always my favorite screening day, although to be fair lice screening day didn't put up much of a fight. We got excused from health class one at a time to go take the test. (This was the most exciting thing we ever did during health class, except for our sex ed day, which involved our teacher embarrassedly putting in a videotape featuring the star of Broadway's Annie.) I looked down into the binocular-type things that passed for vision screeners in the rural public schools of yesteryear (and probably still do, most likely), and for the first time could not identify which way the clown was pointing. I was incredulous. How could I need glasses? I was so cool! I tight rolled my jeans and wore my Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts with the best of them! And yet, there I was. The best I could hope for was some frames from the Jordache collection.
Anyway, I've got soft contacts now, and I love them. Because all of you totally cared. I asked if I could get a pair of red tinted ones, just to lighten things up around the office, but the answer seemed to be a rather firm no.
