Saturday, January 07, 2006
On the Record
I've spent the last couple of days learning how to take depositions, and can I just say that it is so super fun? It's just like having a conversation, except the person you're talking to really resents being there and someone is typing up everything you say. (I used to employ a court reporter to transcribe my various witty remarks on a day-to-day basis, but the cost-to-wit ratio wasn't particularly the strongest.) You can ask painfully intrusive questions, and sometimes the witnesses wear amusing sparkly turtlenecks. It's kind of my goal to make a witness cry. How sweet would that be? Maybe if I tell that twenty-five minute story about the time in fourth grade when I got lost in the First Ladies' Gowns Exhibit at the Smithsonian. I thought the Lynda Bird Johnson mannequin was my mom.
I think if I got to choose three people to depose (in the legal sense, not the streets-running-red-with-the-blood-of-the-oppressor sense) I would choose Gandhi, Julia Roberts, and Jesus. Julia Roberts of course for that famous smile. And who wouldn't want to talk to the star of Mary Reilly and America's Sweethearts? Gandhi would of course be for his amazing diet secrets, because swimsuit season is just around the corner, you know? And Jesus just kind of seems like he'd be cool. Along as you keep him away from nails and a cross! What a total Debbie Downer.
I've spent the last couple of days learning how to take depositions, and can I just say that it is so super fun? It's just like having a conversation, except the person you're talking to really resents being there and someone is typing up everything you say. (I used to employ a court reporter to transcribe my various witty remarks on a day-to-day basis, but the cost-to-wit ratio wasn't particularly the strongest.) You can ask painfully intrusive questions, and sometimes the witnesses wear amusing sparkly turtlenecks. It's kind of my goal to make a witness cry. How sweet would that be? Maybe if I tell that twenty-five minute story about the time in fourth grade when I got lost in the First Ladies' Gowns Exhibit at the Smithsonian. I thought the Lynda Bird Johnson mannequin was my mom.
I think if I got to choose three people to depose (in the legal sense, not the streets-running-red-with-the-blood-of-the-oppressor sense) I would choose Gandhi, Julia Roberts, and Jesus. Julia Roberts of course for that famous smile. And who wouldn't want to talk to the star of Mary Reilly and America's Sweethearts? Gandhi would of course be for his amazing diet secrets, because swimsuit season is just around the corner, you know? And Jesus just kind of seems like he'd be cool. Along as you keep him away from nails and a cross! What a total Debbie Downer.
