Monday, June 05, 2006
Disappointment
I had my first condo association meeting last night, and I was sure it would just be a treasure trove of comedy. I've heard so many horror stories from friends about people getting into shouting matches over grilling rights and dividing common areas with tape lines Brady Bunch style that I was sure we would have at least a fistfight. Everyone knows that condo associations are like disfunctional families, where people take every opportunity to air their unrelated grievances no matter the topic at hand and frequently drink from an ill-concealed hip flask. And when it took us approximately six days of emailing to set up a meeting date a month and a half in the future (and there are only six of us!), I got my hopes up. When the mere occurrence of an unknown man saying "hello" on the front sidewalk led to yet another email exchange of a seriousness generally reserved only for Holocaust novels and presidential eulogies, my hopes were raised further still. I blocked out three hours in my schedule and wore long sleeves to protect against potential claw marks.
Unfortunately, the meeting was only half an hour long and entirely cheerful and rational. We elected officers, deeming the person who didn't show up to have waged a successful campaign for president. We divided up chores (we took "putting the trash out") and decided to have the windows cleaned (I suggested merely buying a harness and lowering my cleaning lady down from the roof, but this was thought uninsurable). And we adjourned so that our upstairs neighbor could go watch the Sopranos. No bloodshed whatsoever.
I did get elected Secretary, though (I'm totally putting that on my resume), so I figure I can try to slant the minutes Fox News style and stir up controversy. How does "Activist Treasurer Wages Ultraliberal Campaign of State-Supported Window Washing" sound?
I had my first condo association meeting last night, and I was sure it would just be a treasure trove of comedy. I've heard so many horror stories from friends about people getting into shouting matches over grilling rights and dividing common areas with tape lines Brady Bunch style that I was sure we would have at least a fistfight. Everyone knows that condo associations are like disfunctional families, where people take every opportunity to air their unrelated grievances no matter the topic at hand and frequently drink from an ill-concealed hip flask. And when it took us approximately six days of emailing to set up a meeting date a month and a half in the future (and there are only six of us!), I got my hopes up. When the mere occurrence of an unknown man saying "hello" on the front sidewalk led to yet another email exchange of a seriousness generally reserved only for Holocaust novels and presidential eulogies, my hopes were raised further still. I blocked out three hours in my schedule and wore long sleeves to protect against potential claw marks.
Unfortunately, the meeting was only half an hour long and entirely cheerful and rational. We elected officers, deeming the person who didn't show up to have waged a successful campaign for president. We divided up chores (we took "putting the trash out") and decided to have the windows cleaned (I suggested merely buying a harness and lowering my cleaning lady down from the roof, but this was thought uninsurable). And we adjourned so that our upstairs neighbor could go watch the Sopranos. No bloodshed whatsoever.
I did get elected Secretary, though (I'm totally putting that on my resume), so I figure I can try to slant the minutes Fox News style and stir up controversy. How does "Activist Treasurer Wages Ultraliberal Campaign of State-Supported Window Washing" sound?
