Saturday, November 04, 2006
Electapalooza
My sister is visiting this weekend, and she suggested that I write a little entry about politics, since election day is coming up. I think this is a great idea, because as many of you know, I'm something of a policy wonk. Or at least someone who enjoys saying "policy wonk." So I'm here to handicap the major races in the Chicagoland area:
-- For governor, Rod Blagojevich (D) versus Judy Barr Topinka (R). Since both of these candidates have terrible hair and may end up in jail before the end of the year, this race is really a referendum on cullottes. Let Judy know that, for her, hot pants just aren't.
-- For second house district, Robert Belin (R) versus Jesse Jackson, Jr. (D). Unfortunately, the younger Jackson isn't quite as poetic as his predecessor, but I hear that Robert Frost, Jr. had the same problem. Since I haven't even heard of the other guy, I figure this one is kind of a lock.
-- For the sixth house district, Tammy Duckworth (D) versus Peter J. Roskam (R). You almost feel sorry for a guy who has to run against an Iraq veteran with no legs. But then you realize that guy is an enormous tool.
-- For the eighth house district, Melissa Bean (D) versus David McSweeney (R) and Bill Scheurer (M). The fun thing about this race is the really awful, bloated pictures of Melissa Bean they found for McSweeney's negative campaign ads. I say we all vote for the third party candidate, which will be about as effective as voting in the Pepsi Challenge.
-- For secretary of state, Dan Rutherford (R) versus Jesse White (D). Jesse White has his own team of tumblers, which is pretty cool. He even got me to donate my organs. I mean, once I'm dead.
-- For Illinois senate district 40, Debbie DeFrancesco Halvorson (D) versus Joseph M. Maun (R). I'll admit it, I just like Debbie DeFrancesco Halvorson's name. Maybe some day I can be Mr. Debbie DeFrancesco Halvorson. I'll sure be writing it on my notebooks all week long.
All right, that's about as political as I get, folks. Get out and rock the vote!
My sister is visiting this weekend, and she suggested that I write a little entry about politics, since election day is coming up. I think this is a great idea, because as many of you know, I'm something of a policy wonk. Or at least someone who enjoys saying "policy wonk." So I'm here to handicap the major races in the Chicagoland area:
-- For governor, Rod Blagojevich (D) versus Judy Barr Topinka (R). Since both of these candidates have terrible hair and may end up in jail before the end of the year, this race is really a referendum on cullottes. Let Judy know that, for her, hot pants just aren't.
-- For second house district, Robert Belin (R) versus Jesse Jackson, Jr. (D). Unfortunately, the younger Jackson isn't quite as poetic as his predecessor, but I hear that Robert Frost, Jr. had the same problem. Since I haven't even heard of the other guy, I figure this one is kind of a lock.
-- For the sixth house district, Tammy Duckworth (D) versus Peter J. Roskam (R). You almost feel sorry for a guy who has to run against an Iraq veteran with no legs. But then you realize that guy is an enormous tool.
-- For the eighth house district, Melissa Bean (D) versus David McSweeney (R) and Bill Scheurer (M). The fun thing about this race is the really awful, bloated pictures of Melissa Bean they found for McSweeney's negative campaign ads. I say we all vote for the third party candidate, which will be about as effective as voting in the Pepsi Challenge.
-- For secretary of state, Dan Rutherford (R) versus Jesse White (D). Jesse White has his own team of tumblers, which is pretty cool. He even got me to donate my organs. I mean, once I'm dead.
-- For Illinois senate district 40, Debbie DeFrancesco Halvorson (D) versus Joseph M. Maun (R). I'll admit it, I just like Debbie DeFrancesco Halvorson's name. Maybe some day I can be Mr. Debbie DeFrancesco Halvorson. I'll sure be writing it on my notebooks all week long.
All right, that's about as political as I get, folks. Get out and rock the vote!
