Monday, January 22, 2007
Classics Revisited
I just finished rereading The Grapes of Wrath (because I felt like maybe reading it between hot make out sessions on the 10th grade band trip didn't exactly do it justice) and I couldn't help but think, man, what a downer! Who knew the Great Depression was so, well, depressing? (Wasn't it also supposed to be Great?) Why couldn't the Joads just go to the circus and eat cotton candy instead of suffering poverty and starvation? And maybe solve a mystery involving some adorable baby elephants? Now that would have been a novel. Luckily for everyone in the whole world, I've prepared the following list of improvements for other major works of world literature:
The Plague by Albert Camus -- Instead of a plague, what about a cornucopia of smiles? Don't they say that laughter is contagious?
The Awakening by Kate Chopin -- The kids are just adorable, but their mother's kind of a drag. Always so mopey! I'm thinking more of a Julia Roberts type.
The Trial by Franz Kafka -- Honestly, I was expecting something a lot more Law & Order. Can we maybe rip something from the headlines?
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner -- See, here we go again. Can't we maybe focus on the living? They're a lot more fun. Well, except for gay Republicans.
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett -- Personally, I'd really like to see Godot show up, and be a zany Robin Williams type!
Beloved by Toni Morrison -- Yeah, slavery is a definite downer. I say set the whole thing at glamorous fashion magazine instead.
King Lear by William Shakespeare -- Okay, well the father/daughter thing is kind of cute, but the warring over the kingdom aspect kind of leaves me cold. What if they raised a prize pig for the county fair instead?
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger -- Easy on the swears, mister. You'll never make The Wonderful World of Disney that way.
A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf -- Great, but instead of a room, can we make it a crop top? Sexy.
I just finished rereading The Grapes of Wrath (because I felt like maybe reading it between hot make out sessions on the 10th grade band trip didn't exactly do it justice) and I couldn't help but think, man, what a downer! Who knew the Great Depression was so, well, depressing? (Wasn't it also supposed to be Great?) Why couldn't the Joads just go to the circus and eat cotton candy instead of suffering poverty and starvation? And maybe solve a mystery involving some adorable baby elephants? Now that would have been a novel. Luckily for everyone in the whole world, I've prepared the following list of improvements for other major works of world literature:
The Plague by Albert Camus -- Instead of a plague, what about a cornucopia of smiles? Don't they say that laughter is contagious?
The Awakening by Kate Chopin -- The kids are just adorable, but their mother's kind of a drag. Always so mopey! I'm thinking more of a Julia Roberts type.
The Trial by Franz Kafka -- Honestly, I was expecting something a lot more Law & Order. Can we maybe rip something from the headlines?
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner -- See, here we go again. Can't we maybe focus on the living? They're a lot more fun. Well, except for gay Republicans.
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett -- Personally, I'd really like to see Godot show up, and be a zany Robin Williams type!
Beloved by Toni Morrison -- Yeah, slavery is a definite downer. I say set the whole thing at glamorous fashion magazine instead.
King Lear by William Shakespeare -- Okay, well the father/daughter thing is kind of cute, but the warring over the kingdom aspect kind of leaves me cold. What if they raised a prize pig for the county fair instead?
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger -- Easy on the swears, mister. You'll never make The Wonderful World of Disney that way.
A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf -- Great, but instead of a room, can we make it a crop top? Sexy.
