Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Globetrotter
I guess I'm coming to the table a few days late on this one, but how about those Golden Globes, eh? Unless you've been waiting your whole life to hear Tom Hanks repeatedly say the word "balls," in which case I'm guessing there's a SEARS catalogue somewhere you should be masturbating to anyway, it wasn't such an incredibly thrilling evening. For me, I think the best part was watching Ryan Seacrest really fervently pretend he wanted to screw every actress who walked down the red carpet, to the point that I half expected him to dry hump Judi Dench. To be fair, Maria Menounos definitely came in a close second in the insipid host department by first completely ignoring Globe winner America Ferrera and then asking her what she had to say to all those people who didn't think she could play Ugly Betty, causing Ms. Ferrera to wonder out loud if in fact there had been any such people. Now that's just good journalism, folks.
As for the awards themselves, I didn't really think there were that many surprises. I pretty much expected the acting award winners, although I was caught somewhat off guard by Forest Whitaker's apparently limited grasp of the English language. A bunch of penguins did beat out Beyonce for best song, but hey, flightless seabirds really know how to jam. I did enjoy the many awkward pairings among presenters, however, such as Vanessa Williams & Tim Allen (Vanessa Williams & Vanessa Williams' hair would have been sufficient) and 50 Cent & Helen Mirren (okay, I made that one up). Oh, and did anyone else notice that Cameron Diaz kind of looked like an Asian prostitute? Oh well, at least she didn't look like Hilary Swank.
I guess I'm coming to the table a few days late on this one, but how about those Golden Globes, eh? Unless you've been waiting your whole life to hear Tom Hanks repeatedly say the word "balls," in which case I'm guessing there's a SEARS catalogue somewhere you should be masturbating to anyway, it wasn't such an incredibly thrilling evening. For me, I think the best part was watching Ryan Seacrest really fervently pretend he wanted to screw every actress who walked down the red carpet, to the point that I half expected him to dry hump Judi Dench. To be fair, Maria Menounos definitely came in a close second in the insipid host department by first completely ignoring Globe winner America Ferrera and then asking her what she had to say to all those people who didn't think she could play Ugly Betty, causing Ms. Ferrera to wonder out loud if in fact there had been any such people. Now that's just good journalism, folks.
As for the awards themselves, I didn't really think there were that many surprises. I pretty much expected the acting award winners, although I was caught somewhat off guard by Forest Whitaker's apparently limited grasp of the English language. A bunch of penguins did beat out Beyonce for best song, but hey, flightless seabirds really know how to jam. I did enjoy the many awkward pairings among presenters, however, such as Vanessa Williams & Tim Allen (Vanessa Williams & Vanessa Williams' hair would have been sufficient) and 50 Cent & Helen Mirren (okay, I made that one up). Oh, and did anyone else notice that Cameron Diaz kind of looked like an Asian prostitute? Oh well, at least she didn't look like Hilary Swank.
