Monday, March 05, 2007
Happy Casimir Pulaski Day!
Although I haven't gotten his day off in over ten years, I thought it would be appropriate to honor Casimir by presenting several of his lesser-known accomplishments:
-- Drafting little-known "sequel" to the Declaration of Independence, in which it turns out the murder was committed by a monkey.
-- Developing jaunty new angles at which to wear a three-cornered hat.
-- Finally telling George Washington that the whole wig thing "looked a little gay."
-- Displaying excellence in moustache grooming.
-- Building a working musket out of nothing but toothpicks and butter.
-- Fingerbanging Betsy Ross out in the alley behind the Dairy Queen.
-- Loaning Paul Revere the use of the euphemism "midnight ride."
-- Official 1770s spokesperson for Mentos.
-- Forcing elementary school children to do some serious spelling.
-- Temporarily filling in for Joy Behar on The View.
-- Occasionally convincing Ben Franklin to put some damn pants on.
Congratulations, Casimir. Know that Illinois loves you.
Although I haven't gotten his day off in over ten years, I thought it would be appropriate to honor Casimir by presenting several of his lesser-known accomplishments:
-- Drafting little-known "sequel" to the Declaration of Independence, in which it turns out the murder was committed by a monkey.
-- Developing jaunty new angles at which to wear a three-cornered hat.
-- Finally telling George Washington that the whole wig thing "looked a little gay."
-- Displaying excellence in moustache grooming.
-- Building a working musket out of nothing but toothpicks and butter.
-- Fingerbanging Betsy Ross out in the alley behind the Dairy Queen.
-- Loaning Paul Revere the use of the euphemism "midnight ride."
-- Official 1770s spokesperson for Mentos.
-- Forcing elementary school children to do some serious spelling.
-- Temporarily filling in for Joy Behar on The View.
-- Occasionally convincing Ben Franklin to put some damn pants on.
Congratulations, Casimir. Know that Illinois loves you.
