Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Medical Miracle
The great thing about health care in this country is that you are more than welcome to be sick so long as you plan it three months in advance. If you unreasonably decide to catch a virus or hack off a limb without first consulting your physician, however, you may not be quite as well off. Hence the conversation I had with our benefits department yesterday:
JAY: Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a benefits question.
BENEFITS LADY: Did you check our website?
JAY: Yes, but the answer doesn't seem to be there.
BL: It's a very helpful website.
JAY: Um, yeah. So my question is just whether there's any sort of ambulatory care available on our insurance plan.
BL: Wait, what are you saying? You need me to call you an ambulance?
JAY: No, no, that's not it. It's not urgent or anything, but I'm sick, and I want to see a doctor now, instead of waiting two weeks for an appointment.
BL: Okay, you kind of freaked me out there for a minute.
JAY: Sorry.
BL: But I totally know what you're talking about. My doctor always makes me wait forever. Like this one time I had this really bad rash all over my face, and they made me walk around looking like Edward James Olmos for three and a half weeks.
JAY: Uh huh. So is there anything I can . . .
BL: I think I may have some of that cream left over, if that helps.
JAY: That's not really my problem.
BL: Okay. Well, what are your symptoms?
JAY: Well, I've been waking up every night with . . . you know, I'd rather not go into it.
BL: All right, then, is there anything else?
JAY: How could there possibly be? Thanks so much.
BL: Have a good one.
After a couple hours of calling other doctors' offices, I did finally manage to land an appointment for this afternoon. If past history is any indication, I should be feeling totally recovered by then.
The great thing about health care in this country is that you are more than welcome to be sick so long as you plan it three months in advance. If you unreasonably decide to catch a virus or hack off a limb without first consulting your physician, however, you may not be quite as well off. Hence the conversation I had with our benefits department yesterday:
JAY: Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a benefits question.
BENEFITS LADY: Did you check our website?
JAY: Yes, but the answer doesn't seem to be there.
BL: It's a very helpful website.
JAY: Um, yeah. So my question is just whether there's any sort of ambulatory care available on our insurance plan.
BL: Wait, what are you saying? You need me to call you an ambulance?
JAY: No, no, that's not it. It's not urgent or anything, but I'm sick, and I want to see a doctor now, instead of waiting two weeks for an appointment.
BL: Okay, you kind of freaked me out there for a minute.
JAY: Sorry.
BL: But I totally know what you're talking about. My doctor always makes me wait forever. Like this one time I had this really bad rash all over my face, and they made me walk around looking like Edward James Olmos for three and a half weeks.
JAY: Uh huh. So is there anything I can . . .
BL: I think I may have some of that cream left over, if that helps.
JAY: That's not really my problem.
BL: Okay. Well, what are your symptoms?
JAY: Well, I've been waking up every night with . . . you know, I'd rather not go into it.
BL: All right, then, is there anything else?
JAY: How could there possibly be? Thanks so much.
BL: Have a good one.
After a couple hours of calling other doctors' offices, I did finally manage to land an appointment for this afternoon. If past history is any indication, I should be feeling totally recovered by then.
