Sunday, June 03, 2007
700 Club
I just realized that I have reached 700 posts! I'm not sure exactly what that represents -- probably just that I have way too much time on my hands and way too many thoughts about America's Next Top Model -- but it is at least some sort of milestone. Here's to the greatest moments in blog history, at least so far:
-- I get a government job, which spurs the level of free time necessary to start sharing my every trivial thought with the larger Internet community.
-- I devote at least two weeks worth of posts to my intestinal parasite, Frank, thereby reaching the level of class and dignity that will come to characterize all my writings.
-- Roommate Liz makes her first appearance, in a poorly-constructed scenario involving a fake engagement and a bottle of peppermint Schnapps.
-- The Blog Book Club fails to take off after I select the complete writings of Ethan Hawke as my inaugural discussion pieces.
-- Martha Stewart drops by the blog to share her recipe for pumpkin caramel delights.
-- The first and last all-musical edition of the blog ends abruptly when I realize that no one can here me humming as I type.
-- The mail guy at my office walks in on me blogging and breaking it down to Kelly Clarkson, leading to weeks of internal debate as to which was more embarrassing.
-- Years of jokes finally lead the Simpson sisters to seek a restraining order.
-- Pacific Islanders officially become the only ethnic group I have not unintentionally offended.
-- I discover my Comcast On Demand, leading to a seemingly never ending series of plotless anecdotes as well as a number of predictably terrible dates.
-- The long-awaited film version of my blog, starring Danny DeVito as the blog and Dakota Fanning as Friend Amy, inexplicably stalls in development.
-- I attempt to respond to fan emails, only to discover that, once opened, they are actually offers to increase my penis size.
-- I Still Know What You Did Last Summer airs on HBO.
I just realized that I have reached 700 posts! I'm not sure exactly what that represents -- probably just that I have way too much time on my hands and way too many thoughts about America's Next Top Model -- but it is at least some sort of milestone. Here's to the greatest moments in blog history, at least so far:
-- I get a government job, which spurs the level of free time necessary to start sharing my every trivial thought with the larger Internet community.
-- I devote at least two weeks worth of posts to my intestinal parasite, Frank, thereby reaching the level of class and dignity that will come to characterize all my writings.
-- Roommate Liz makes her first appearance, in a poorly-constructed scenario involving a fake engagement and a bottle of peppermint Schnapps.
-- The Blog Book Club fails to take off after I select the complete writings of Ethan Hawke as my inaugural discussion pieces.
-- Martha Stewart drops by the blog to share her recipe for pumpkin caramel delights.
-- The first and last all-musical edition of the blog ends abruptly when I realize that no one can here me humming as I type.
-- The mail guy at my office walks in on me blogging and breaking it down to Kelly Clarkson, leading to weeks of internal debate as to which was more embarrassing.
-- Years of jokes finally lead the Simpson sisters to seek a restraining order.
-- Pacific Islanders officially become the only ethnic group I have not unintentionally offended.
-- I discover my Comcast On Demand, leading to a seemingly never ending series of plotless anecdotes as well as a number of predictably terrible dates.
-- The long-awaited film version of my blog, starring Danny DeVito as the blog and Dakota Fanning as Friend Amy, inexplicably stalls in development.
-- I attempt to respond to fan emails, only to discover that, once opened, they are actually offers to increase my penis size.
-- I Still Know What You Did Last Summer airs on HBO.
