Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Outside Looking In
If you're looking for a fun new way to lose weight, may I suggest locking yourself out of your condo when it's approximately 317 degrees outside? That's the plan I put into effect on Sunday when I cheerily stepped out with car keys, sunglasses, a bag full of recyclables, a copy of Losing Battles by Eudora Welty, and a fine selection of audio CDs, but no house key. Standing there on my landing, contemplating the rather unhelpful exterior of my door, I couldn't help but think: man, this would be a good time to have one of those fake rocks you can hide a key in.
I called my sister, but she was on her way back from an out-of-town wedding and needed about four hours to get there. I called Former Roommate Liz, who still maintains a key in case of emergency or random desire to visit, but she didn't answer. I left an incomprehensible voicemail featuring a repeated refrain of "because I'm an idiot," but that actually failed somehow to unlock my door. I decided to go shopping simply for the purpose of enjoying air conditioning. Yet another thing I now have in common with the homeless.
And yes, I could have called a locksmith, but it's not like I exactly have one on speed dial. And my multiple unnecessary phone books were all locked up within. Good planning all around.
If you're looking for a fun new way to lose weight, may I suggest locking yourself out of your condo when it's approximately 317 degrees outside? That's the plan I put into effect on Sunday when I cheerily stepped out with car keys, sunglasses, a bag full of recyclables, a copy of Losing Battles by Eudora Welty, and a fine selection of audio CDs, but no house key. Standing there on my landing, contemplating the rather unhelpful exterior of my door, I couldn't help but think: man, this would be a good time to have one of those fake rocks you can hide a key in.
I called my sister, but she was on her way back from an out-of-town wedding and needed about four hours to get there. I called Former Roommate Liz, who still maintains a key in case of emergency or random desire to visit, but she didn't answer. I left an incomprehensible voicemail featuring a repeated refrain of "because I'm an idiot," but that actually failed somehow to unlock my door. I decided to go shopping simply for the purpose of enjoying air conditioning. Yet another thing I now have in common with the homeless.
And yes, I could have called a locksmith, but it's not like I exactly have one on speed dial. And my multiple unnecessary phone books were all locked up within. Good planning all around.
