Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Don't Worry, I Have Everything Under Control
There I was at the airport Sunday afternoon, minding my own business, worrying about whether my facial cleanser was in a small enough bottle, when a sassy lady with a metal detecting want led me to a shocking discovery: my driver's license had expired. That's right, since February 4 of this year I have joined the ranks of illegal immigrants and the conscientious elderly as an unlicensed individual. Though I immediately turned beet red and began wondering how I would explain missing a deposition because I failed to notify the Secretary of State of my address change, I was in fact allowed to fly despite my status as a second hand citizen. I just had to go through extra security, because of course 95% of all terrorists show up with expired Illinois drivers licenses where they have bowl cuts in their identification photos.
But anyway, combined with my recent bout with conjunctivitis (less glamorously known as pinkeye) and my habit of late of watching American Idol, I'm beginning to wonder if I might be turning into white trash. None of my teeth have fallen out yet, but I did have to have a root canal last year. And I've found myself missing Wal-Mart lately. If I start to feel the urge to go to a Larry the Cable Guy movie, I think I'm done for.
There I was at the airport Sunday afternoon, minding my own business, worrying about whether my facial cleanser was in a small enough bottle, when a sassy lady with a metal detecting want led me to a shocking discovery: my driver's license had expired. That's right, since February 4 of this year I have joined the ranks of illegal immigrants and the conscientious elderly as an unlicensed individual. Though I immediately turned beet red and began wondering how I would explain missing a deposition because I failed to notify the Secretary of State of my address change, I was in fact allowed to fly despite my status as a second hand citizen. I just had to go through extra security, because of course 95% of all terrorists show up with expired Illinois drivers licenses where they have bowl cuts in their identification photos.
But anyway, combined with my recent bout with conjunctivitis (less glamorously known as pinkeye) and my habit of late of watching American Idol, I'm beginning to wonder if I might be turning into white trash. None of my teeth have fallen out yet, but I did have to have a root canal last year. And I've found myself missing Wal-Mart lately. If I start to feel the urge to go to a Larry the Cable Guy movie, I think I'm done for.
