Thursday, March 20, 2008
Handicapping the Remaining America's Next Top Model Contenders
Not literally. Although if I did take a baseball bat to someone's kneecaps, it would probably only help their chances. But for those of you who have money on the outcome (which I assume is most of you, obviously), here's my view of the nine gals who are left:
Lauren -- Kind of creepy and generally looks like she's about to fall asleep, which translates to "edgy" in Tyra world. But the lack of any heartrendering backstory to speak of will cost her.
Claire -- Looks a little bit like somebody beat up Julia Styles. Also a four-time Covergirl of the Week, which never bodes well. Oh, and she wore legwarmers for her promo photo, despite not being Sienna Miller.
Anya -- Possibly the weirdest looking of the bunch, and not helped by Tyra's decision to give her Jessica Tandy's hair color. Also has an unidentifiable accent, possibly fake.
Katarzyna -- On the plus side, I enjoy listening to Tyra stumble over her name. On the minus side, Tyra seems to enjoy it as well.
Aimee -- Who?
Dominique -- Sorry, Jaslene already did the whole "mannish" thing. And the whole "kneejerk accusation of racism" thing is so Real World.
Fatima -- Immediately became the frontrunner when she shared her personal tragedy of female genital mutilation within the first fifteen minutes of the casting special. Sorry, Marvita, FGM trumps molestation!
Stacy Ann -- Actually sort of pretty, which is pretty much an immediate disqualifier.
Whitney -- Plus sized. Accordingly, she will be booted off around week seven for mysterious reasons that obviously have nothing to do with her size.
Not literally. Although if I did take a baseball bat to someone's kneecaps, it would probably only help their chances. But for those of you who have money on the outcome (which I assume is most of you, obviously), here's my view of the nine gals who are left:
Lauren -- Kind of creepy and generally looks like she's about to fall asleep, which translates to "edgy" in Tyra world. But the lack of any heartrendering backstory to speak of will cost her.
Claire -- Looks a little bit like somebody beat up Julia Styles. Also a four-time Covergirl of the Week, which never bodes well. Oh, and she wore legwarmers for her promo photo, despite not being Sienna Miller.
Anya -- Possibly the weirdest looking of the bunch, and not helped by Tyra's decision to give her Jessica Tandy's hair color. Also has an unidentifiable accent, possibly fake.
Katarzyna -- On the plus side, I enjoy listening to Tyra stumble over her name. On the minus side, Tyra seems to enjoy it as well.
Aimee -- Who?
Dominique -- Sorry, Jaslene already did the whole "mannish" thing. And the whole "kneejerk accusation of racism" thing is so Real World.
Fatima -- Immediately became the frontrunner when she shared her personal tragedy of female genital mutilation within the first fifteen minutes of the casting special. Sorry, Marvita, FGM trumps molestation!
Stacy Ann -- Actually sort of pretty, which is pretty much an immediate disqualifier.
Whitney -- Plus sized. Accordingly, she will be booted off around week seven for mysterious reasons that obviously have nothing to do with her size.
