Sunday, May 11, 2008
Possibly Too Terrible Even to Be Enjoyed Ironically
On Friday night we rented Over Her Dead Body starring Ms. Eva Longoria-Parker. Now, anyone who saw the commercials for this feature obviously understood that it was going to be awful -- when the major selling point is that your star gets crushed by an ice sculpture, it's clearly going to be a rocky road. But it's only once you've seen the entire feature that you realize that they must have worked in a lab for months to develop the perfect combination of elements (a little unnecessary gay subplot here, a little pseudo spirituality there) to make this in fact the worst movie of all time.
It's impossible to pick the single most terrible element. Yes, Eva Longoria-Parker is bad, and spends the entire film snapping at people like an abused Chihuahua, but Lake Bell may actually be worse. For one thing, she delivers every line as though she's just walked in from the next room and been surprised to find out that filming is in fact taking place. It doesn't help that she is presented as an incredibly desirable sex object, when she can perhaps most charitably be described as a slightly more mannish version of Steffi Graf. Then there's Jason Biggs, whose continued employment in Hollywood is perhaps a greater mystery than Ashley Tisdale's ever-shifting nose. He apparently believes himself to be starring in a community theater production of The Music Man. Paul Rudd, for his part, simply appears dazed. And about 50. I think it's entirely possible they forgot to hire a makeup crew for the production.
As far as the writing goes, it does make a person wonder how exactly one scripts five minutes of flatulence. Or how a "fat dog" gag was deemed not only hilarious but worthy of a reprise. Or why it is that, after a person has lost his wife, his sister's main, nearly obsessive concern would be seeing to it that he begins dating again immediately. Or why the use of a psychic would necessarily be involved. So many questions.
Anyway, you should definitely get out and rent Over Her Dead Body today!
On Friday night we rented Over Her Dead Body starring Ms. Eva Longoria-Parker. Now, anyone who saw the commercials for this feature obviously understood that it was going to be awful -- when the major selling point is that your star gets crushed by an ice sculpture, it's clearly going to be a rocky road. But it's only once you've seen the entire feature that you realize that they must have worked in a lab for months to develop the perfect combination of elements (a little unnecessary gay subplot here, a little pseudo spirituality there) to make this in fact the worst movie of all time.
It's impossible to pick the single most terrible element. Yes, Eva Longoria-Parker is bad, and spends the entire film snapping at people like an abused Chihuahua, but Lake Bell may actually be worse. For one thing, she delivers every line as though she's just walked in from the next room and been surprised to find out that filming is in fact taking place. It doesn't help that she is presented as an incredibly desirable sex object, when she can perhaps most charitably be described as a slightly more mannish version of Steffi Graf. Then there's Jason Biggs, whose continued employment in Hollywood is perhaps a greater mystery than Ashley Tisdale's ever-shifting nose. He apparently believes himself to be starring in a community theater production of The Music Man. Paul Rudd, for his part, simply appears dazed. And about 50. I think it's entirely possible they forgot to hire a makeup crew for the production.
As far as the writing goes, it does make a person wonder how exactly one scripts five minutes of flatulence. Or how a "fat dog" gag was deemed not only hilarious but worthy of a reprise. Or why it is that, after a person has lost his wife, his sister's main, nearly obsessive concern would be seeing to it that he begins dating again immediately. Or why the use of a psychic would necessarily be involved. So many questions.
Anyway, you should definitely get out and rent Over Her Dead Body today!
