Saturday, October 25, 2008
Who Will It Be?
In just a few weeks, Americans are going to make a really vital choice. Someone new is soon going to hold the top office in the land. That's right, the season finale of America's Next Top Model is fast approaching.
Usually I'm really good at predicting the winner. I do it primarily based upon demographics. I knew that Whitney would win last season because a girl with actual breasts had never won before. The season (or excuse me, cycle) before that I knew that Saleisha would win because they'd never had an insanely perky black girl with a Tootie haircut. Also they tend to telegraph the winner from the beginning by giving her a lot more camera time than everyone else. Or at least positive camera time. Jade got all the camera time in the world, but since most of it was devoted to documenting her insanity, we all knew she was just a sideshow.
This cycle is pretty tricky, though, I have to say. Based on demographics I'd have to go with Sheena the sassy Asian, but the awful dye-job they gave her, combined with her tendency to shove her vag at the camera in photo shoots, does not bode well. Marjorie and Elina have both gotten a lot of praise for being weird and European, but the former seems to literally be terrified of everything and the latter has the world's worst hatchet face. McKey looks like Daryl Hannah, which hasn't even really worked for Daryl Hannah in over a decade, and Samantha looks like a younger, less-mannish Ellen Barkin, which really only works for bagging millionaires. That leaves Analeigh, who as my friend Paulina Porizkova pointed out, has a really tiny face. So I think ultimately they're just going to have to get rid of them all and give it to Jaslene again.
In just a few weeks, Americans are going to make a really vital choice. Someone new is soon going to hold the top office in the land. That's right, the season finale of America's Next Top Model is fast approaching.
Usually I'm really good at predicting the winner. I do it primarily based upon demographics. I knew that Whitney would win last season because a girl with actual breasts had never won before. The season (or excuse me, cycle) before that I knew that Saleisha would win because they'd never had an insanely perky black girl with a Tootie haircut. Also they tend to telegraph the winner from the beginning by giving her a lot more camera time than everyone else. Or at least positive camera time. Jade got all the camera time in the world, but since most of it was devoted to documenting her insanity, we all knew she was just a sideshow.
This cycle is pretty tricky, though, I have to say. Based on demographics I'd have to go with Sheena the sassy Asian, but the awful dye-job they gave her, combined with her tendency to shove her vag at the camera in photo shoots, does not bode well. Marjorie and Elina have both gotten a lot of praise for being weird and European, but the former seems to literally be terrified of everything and the latter has the world's worst hatchet face. McKey looks like Daryl Hannah, which hasn't even really worked for Daryl Hannah in over a decade, and Samantha looks like a younger, less-mannish Ellen Barkin, which really only works for bagging millionaires. That leaves Analeigh, who as my friend Paulina Porizkova pointed out, has a really tiny face. So I think ultimately they're just going to have to get rid of them all and give it to Jaslene again.
