Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Further Plant Disaster
I have long had difficulty with plants. When I was a kid, I accidentally knocked over and killed one of my mother's hanging plants while pretending to be Knight Rider with a friend. (Don't worry, I got to be the car, he had to be the 'hoff.) In college, I managed to underwater a cactus. Heck, the front lawn of my condo building started to die shortly after I moved in. In short, I appear to be a plant's equivalent of an ancient Indian burial ground.
I thought I had turned things around with my bamboo, though. It came in excellent health and pretty much fully grown. It does not need regular trimming or fertilizing. Essentially you just change the water once a week and you're okay. Or so I thought.
Monday I got in to the office to find my bamboo had started to turn yellow. Of course I immediately turned to the Internet for answers, and got all kinds of strange explanations for why it would do that, everything from an excess of noise in its area to flat out racism. I realized I would have to turn to The Plant Lady for answers. You see, my office has a Plant Lady who comes around once a week to tend to all the firm's plants throughout the building. And sometimes she freelances.
It turns out I have spider mites! Apparently they're tiny spiders that suck the chlorophyll out of plants. And thereby kill them. I have been instructed to get a spray bottle, fill it with water and baby shampoo, and spray the plant regularly. And this I am faithfully doing, no matter how ridiculous it makes me look. But the prognosis for my plant is not good.
At this rate, no one is ever going to let me have children.
I have long had difficulty with plants. When I was a kid, I accidentally knocked over and killed one of my mother's hanging plants while pretending to be Knight Rider with a friend. (Don't worry, I got to be the car, he had to be the 'hoff.) In college, I managed to underwater a cactus. Heck, the front lawn of my condo building started to die shortly after I moved in. In short, I appear to be a plant's equivalent of an ancient Indian burial ground.
I thought I had turned things around with my bamboo, though. It came in excellent health and pretty much fully grown. It does not need regular trimming or fertilizing. Essentially you just change the water once a week and you're okay. Or so I thought.
Monday I got in to the office to find my bamboo had started to turn yellow. Of course I immediately turned to the Internet for answers, and got all kinds of strange explanations for why it would do that, everything from an excess of noise in its area to flat out racism. I realized I would have to turn to The Plant Lady for answers. You see, my office has a Plant Lady who comes around once a week to tend to all the firm's plants throughout the building. And sometimes she freelances.
It turns out I have spider mites! Apparently they're tiny spiders that suck the chlorophyll out of plants. And thereby kill them. I have been instructed to get a spray bottle, fill it with water and baby shampoo, and spray the plant regularly. And this I am faithfully doing, no matter how ridiculous it makes me look. But the prognosis for my plant is not good.
At this rate, no one is ever going to let me have children.
