Monday, December 08, 2008
Oh Say Can You See
I somehow inexplicably forgot to mention the hilarious consequences of my visit to the optometrist on Friday. No, they did not replace the eye chart with suggestive photos of George H.W. Bush or make funny noises during the glaucoma test, although both of those are quite frankly sterling ideas. After three full years of making the false claim that I would "come back on a Saturday" to have my pupils dilated, I finally got my bluff called. So I lost my close vision for a couple of hours, although on the plus side it turns out I do not in fact have large tumors in my eyes. I'm always thankful for the little blessings.
As a result of my temporary blindness, however, I had to have the ladies at the front desk help me pick out my new glasses, which was a primer in questionable taste. I did have to inform them that men do not wear teal-colored frames and that transitions lenses are not the height of youthful fashion. I nearly got in a fight with them over a pair of exceedingly round frames that, to be completely truthful, sort of made me look like Mr. Moneybags. The words "I'm the one who has to wear them, you know" were actually uttered.
Then, upon my return to the office, I had to ask my secretary to come in and read my e-mails to me. I wouldn't want to miss any funny forwards, you know.
I somehow inexplicably forgot to mention the hilarious consequences of my visit to the optometrist on Friday. No, they did not replace the eye chart with suggestive photos of George H.W. Bush or make funny noises during the glaucoma test, although both of those are quite frankly sterling ideas. After three full years of making the false claim that I would "come back on a Saturday" to have my pupils dilated, I finally got my bluff called. So I lost my close vision for a couple of hours, although on the plus side it turns out I do not in fact have large tumors in my eyes. I'm always thankful for the little blessings.
As a result of my temporary blindness, however, I had to have the ladies at the front desk help me pick out my new glasses, which was a primer in questionable taste. I did have to inform them that men do not wear teal-colored frames and that transitions lenses are not the height of youthful fashion. I nearly got in a fight with them over a pair of exceedingly round frames that, to be completely truthful, sort of made me look like Mr. Moneybags. The words "I'm the one who has to wear them, you know" were actually uttered.
Then, upon my return to the office, I had to ask my secretary to come in and read my e-mails to me. I wouldn't want to miss any funny forwards, you know.
