Sunday, February 22, 2009
The Academy Awards Drinking Game
As with any drinking game, the point is to get wasted beyond the point science has led us to believe is possible:
-- Take 2 drinks any time Hugh Jackman makes a joke that bombs.
-- 3 drinks if he's involved in a song and dance number. You will need them.
-- Take 1 drink for each time someone attempts to cash in on the memory of Heath Ledger.
-- With an additional drink if he gets the most applause in the "In Memoriam" montage.
-- Take 3 drinks if Kate Winslet acts incredibly surprised by her entirely expected Oscar win.
-- Take 4 drinks if Sean Young is anywhere in the room.
-- And take them quickly before Sean Young takes them herself.
-- Take 1 drink each time a presenter subtly tries to demonstrate that he or she did not write the terrible copy on the teleprompter.
-- Take 1 drink for each awkward confrontation between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.
-- And 2 drinks for the far greater number of times that some breathless red carpet commentator attempts to manufacture such a confrontation.
-- Take 3 drinks if Meryl Streep shows up not wearing a bra.
-- Take 1 drink each time there is a tribute montage to some genre or issue you did not know existed.
-- With an additional drink for each celebrity you spot nodding off during said tribute.
-- Take 1 drink per minute the broadcast drags past the three hour mark. Warning: stop before you die.
As with any drinking game, the point is to get wasted beyond the point science has led us to believe is possible:
-- Take 2 drinks any time Hugh Jackman makes a joke that bombs.
-- 3 drinks if he's involved in a song and dance number. You will need them.
-- Take 1 drink for each time someone attempts to cash in on the memory of Heath Ledger.
-- With an additional drink if he gets the most applause in the "In Memoriam" montage.
-- Take 3 drinks if Kate Winslet acts incredibly surprised by her entirely expected Oscar win.
-- Take 4 drinks if Sean Young is anywhere in the room.
-- And take them quickly before Sean Young takes them herself.
-- Take 1 drink each time a presenter subtly tries to demonstrate that he or she did not write the terrible copy on the teleprompter.
-- Take 1 drink for each awkward confrontation between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.
-- And 2 drinks for the far greater number of times that some breathless red carpet commentator attempts to manufacture such a confrontation.
-- Take 3 drinks if Meryl Streep shows up not wearing a bra.
-- Take 1 drink each time there is a tribute montage to some genre or issue you did not know existed.
-- With an additional drink for each celebrity you spot nodding off during said tribute.
-- Take 1 drink per minute the broadcast drags past the three hour mark. Warning: stop before you die.
