Friday, March 06, 2009
40 Days and 40 Nights
Hey, kids, did you know that it's Lent? Lent is the time of year when all the Catholics in my office get really cranky because they're giving up cigarettes or artificial sweeteners or butter. I'm pretty sure that the reasoning behind it is that sadomasochism must be good because, after all, Jesus died for our sins and didn't just, like, go to the zoo for them or something. Plus, if you believe The Book of Mel Gibson, he got the crap kicked out of him for a couple of hours first. So the least you can do is cut back on the cookies, tubby. Besides, swimsuit season is on the way!
There have been times in the past when I've been pretty strict about Lent myself. But then I kind of realized that I actually prefer having things to giving them up. And since consuming things became patriotic after September 11th, I decided I'd rather be a good American than a good Christian, especially when there are Ho Hos involved. George Washington has never once asked me to lay off of the Zima.
This year I am giving things up for Lent, in a sense, but really just as part of an overall diet and exercise plan. It's gotten harder and harder to convince myself that those extra fifteen pounds are just water weight as the months have gone by. And frankly, I would prefer that the surface area of my face not be measured in acres. So I'm giving up complex carbohydrates. I'm pretty sure that Jesus is loving the hell out of this up in Camelot with all of his elf friends.
Hey, kids, did you know that it's Lent? Lent is the time of year when all the Catholics in my office get really cranky because they're giving up cigarettes or artificial sweeteners or butter. I'm pretty sure that the reasoning behind it is that sadomasochism must be good because, after all, Jesus died for our sins and didn't just, like, go to the zoo for them or something. Plus, if you believe The Book of Mel Gibson, he got the crap kicked out of him for a couple of hours first. So the least you can do is cut back on the cookies, tubby. Besides, swimsuit season is on the way!
There have been times in the past when I've been pretty strict about Lent myself. But then I kind of realized that I actually prefer having things to giving them up. And since consuming things became patriotic after September 11th, I decided I'd rather be a good American than a good Christian, especially when there are Ho Hos involved. George Washington has never once asked me to lay off of the Zima.
This year I am giving things up for Lent, in a sense, but really just as part of an overall diet and exercise plan. It's gotten harder and harder to convince myself that those extra fifteen pounds are just water weight as the months have gone by. And frankly, I would prefer that the surface area of my face not be measured in acres. So I'm giving up complex carbohydrates. I'm pretty sure that Jesus is loving the hell out of this up in Camelot with all of his elf friends.
