Friday, March 13, 2009
Decisions, Decisions
Bravo was showing Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous tonight. But Lifetime was showing Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? One is possibly the finest Sandra Bullock-based beauty pageant sequel of all time; the other could well be the best Tori Spelling Lifetime movie titled with a question. One features Law & Order killer Elizabeth Rohm in a small but pivotal supporting role; the other stars almost entirely people you have never heard of, with the exception of everyone's favorite gremlin-looking former 90210 star. One has an extended scene involving lip syncing at a drag bar; the other has lengthy sections of an obsessive boyfriend screaming at Tori, which of course we have all thought about doing at one time or another. How could I choose? Of course I had to flip back and forth between them.
The result would, I think, make a fine movie in and of itself. A single mother fears her daughter's new boyfriend may be up to no good when he kidnaps one of the contestants from the Miss United States pageant, taking her to a cabin and repeatedly screaming at her about how much he loves her and no one understands, until a plucky FBI agent dresses up like an elderly lady for reasons no one understands and rescues William Shatner from a sinking pirate ship. I'm shopping a treatment, if anyone is interested.
Bravo was showing Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous tonight. But Lifetime was showing Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? One is possibly the finest Sandra Bullock-based beauty pageant sequel of all time; the other could well be the best Tori Spelling Lifetime movie titled with a question. One features Law & Order killer Elizabeth Rohm in a small but pivotal supporting role; the other stars almost entirely people you have never heard of, with the exception of everyone's favorite gremlin-looking former 90210 star. One has an extended scene involving lip syncing at a drag bar; the other has lengthy sections of an obsessive boyfriend screaming at Tori, which of course we have all thought about doing at one time or another. How could I choose? Of course I had to flip back and forth between them.
The result would, I think, make a fine movie in and of itself. A single mother fears her daughter's new boyfriend may be up to no good when he kidnaps one of the contestants from the Miss United States pageant, taking her to a cabin and repeatedly screaming at her about how much he loves her and no one understands, until a plucky FBI agent dresses up like an elderly lady for reasons no one understands and rescues William Shatner from a sinking pirate ship. I'm shopping a treatment, if anyone is interested.
